2 of my daughters & I visited one of my long-time favorites today, The Ice-Cream Shack in Sunnyland. I had a special treat, a pepsi with shaved ice. I know I'm unique, but shaved ice is something I love. One daughter had a Puppy Chow Wizard & the other, a cookie dough sundae. Sadly, we didn't have our dogs. They would have ordered doggie sundaes, complete with dog biscuits. It's a beautiful day, so we sat outside & enjoyed our deliciousness.
The Ice-Cream Shack has been a part of my family's lives for years. We've joyfully celebrated many of our accomplishments there. It was the perfect place to take small children. They could run & play in the grass while we sat & chatted. As their ice-cream dripped down their chins, their smiles always made our celebration the best. I remember a stage when "dirt & worms" was the only thing that would do. Over time, we graduated to other things like turtle sundaes & fancy wizards. Their cheese fries have always been the best in town, but for me... it's the pretzel with cheese.
My husband & I (& our pooch) have a standing date there on Sunday nights when the weather is good. Our dog even recognizes the words "Ice-Cream Shack" & begins drooling at the very sound of his favorite phrase. One of us has to sit with him while the other orders, as his exuberance is too much. We also have to let him eat his doggie sundae first, if we hope to be able to taste our own treats.
As we savor the taste of our desserts, we reminisce about the past, how we used to go there after swim meets & how the kids used to run races around the big tree. It's a place to build relationship, a place to relax & enjoy, a lil get-a-way for a tasty snack. A few weeks ago, the owner asked me if they could take donations in my honor for The Race for The Cure. I was stunned to think that someone would do that for me.
Yesterday, she put out a can with my picture on it & is accepting donations for my team, for my cause. As I've said from the start, this journey has treasures to be found along the way. Some of the young adults that work there are my former youth (from my youth leader days). The owners & the young workers have agreed to wear pink in my honor on Saturday. I couldn't be more honored. My favorite place is wearing pink for me & celebrating my life, honoring my cause.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Much Ado...
Before I had breast cancer, I noticed that it got its fair share of attention. I didn't really like all of the attention it received because it made me uncomfortable. And... what about all of the other cancers which are just as worthy? It seemed like much ado about one particular cancer.
I always tried to do the right thing, I never missed my yearly mammogram. I participated in The Race for The Cure most of my adult life, though it was really too much for me emotionally. I took my 3 little girls each year & even a group of women & girls from my church. Each year I walked, & each year it was more than I could bear. Seeing all of those pink hats, women of all ages, & imagining the horror of such a cancer.
One of Susan G. Komen's slogans is Imagine Life without Breast Cancer. Before, I couldn't imagine life with breast cancer. Now the tables have turned, & I cannot imagine my life without it. I remember those days, but I know I will never get back to them. Reality. Sometime's it's a hard slap in the face. However, I wouldn't trade my life.
Today's devotion was about embracing our trials & not trying to find Heaven on earth. I think I have spent most of my life doing just that. I like peace, & I'm always trying to find it. Truth is, turmoil & difficulties grow us into deeper people. I never realized it was unhealthy to constantly seek peace & avoid hardships. We won't experience Heaven on earth. Heaven is an eternal promise that follows death if we know Christ.
So let's face it... breast cancer is in the spotlight, especially the week before The Race. As my tables have turned, so has my thinking. Both men & women fall prey to this terrible disease. The worst for me is seeing women fight the fight when their children are young. I was at a school play over the weekend, & I knew 2 other women who are also on this journey. Currently, 1 in 8 women will fight this fight (at some level).
I was 49. I was riding my bike 10 miles a day. I was working out at Curves. I was trying to maintain my weight. I had no family history. Discovering a lump & finding out it was an aggressive cancer was not even in my field of vision. As my story unraveled, so did my nightmare. I think I remained in shock for 7 months. Finding out it was in my lymph nodes was traumatic. Every grueling detail was horrific.
The research on this disease benefits other cancers. Breast cancer metastasizes into bone, lungs, liver, & the brain. It sometimes correlates with ovarian cancer. Much has been learned about cancer through the BRCA1 & 2 research. New studies are being done all the time. Great strides are being made, & still, I am effected.
No one is immune to cancer. We can do our part, but still end up on this journey. So yes... it's much ado. But this ado is about saving lives. Once you are the recipient of a disease with such awareness, your tables turn, every detail of your life is effected (at least temporarily if not permanently). You begin a journey with an unknown end. You fight for your life & imagine a world without breast cancer because the pain of seeing history repeat itself is too much.
I always tried to do the right thing, I never missed my yearly mammogram. I participated in The Race for The Cure most of my adult life, though it was really too much for me emotionally. I took my 3 little girls each year & even a group of women & girls from my church. Each year I walked, & each year it was more than I could bear. Seeing all of those pink hats, women of all ages, & imagining the horror of such a cancer.
One of Susan G. Komen's slogans is Imagine Life without Breast Cancer. Before, I couldn't imagine life with breast cancer. Now the tables have turned, & I cannot imagine my life without it. I remember those days, but I know I will never get back to them. Reality. Sometime's it's a hard slap in the face. However, I wouldn't trade my life.
Today's devotion was about embracing our trials & not trying to find Heaven on earth. I think I have spent most of my life doing just that. I like peace, & I'm always trying to find it. Truth is, turmoil & difficulties grow us into deeper people. I never realized it was unhealthy to constantly seek peace & avoid hardships. We won't experience Heaven on earth. Heaven is an eternal promise that follows death if we know Christ.
So let's face it... breast cancer is in the spotlight, especially the week before The Race. As my tables have turned, so has my thinking. Both men & women fall prey to this terrible disease. The worst for me is seeing women fight the fight when their children are young. I was at a school play over the weekend, & I knew 2 other women who are also on this journey. Currently, 1 in 8 women will fight this fight (at some level).
I was 49. I was riding my bike 10 miles a day. I was working out at Curves. I was trying to maintain my weight. I had no family history. Discovering a lump & finding out it was an aggressive cancer was not even in my field of vision. As my story unraveled, so did my nightmare. I think I remained in shock for 7 months. Finding out it was in my lymph nodes was traumatic. Every grueling detail was horrific.
The research on this disease benefits other cancers. Breast cancer metastasizes into bone, lungs, liver, & the brain. It sometimes correlates with ovarian cancer. Much has been learned about cancer through the BRCA1 & 2 research. New studies are being done all the time. Great strides are being made, & still, I am effected.
No one is immune to cancer. We can do our part, but still end up on this journey. So yes... it's much ado. But this ado is about saving lives. Once you are the recipient of a disease with such awareness, your tables turn, every detail of your life is effected (at least temporarily if not permanently). You begin a journey with an unknown end. You fight for your life & imagine a world without breast cancer because the pain of seeing history repeat itself is too much.
Nursie
This week is National Nurses Week. It has new & special meaning to me for 2 reasons. The first being my beautiful middle daughter officially became a nurse this year. The second being the many kind & compassionate nurses that have become a part of my life over the last 9 months. Here's what I've learned about nurses this year:
#1 The best nurses feel called to be nurses.
#2 When a good nurse leaves her job, she is missed.
#3 The best ones explain in simple terms what they are about to do to you.
#4 The caring ones don't hesitate to hug you (if they can).
#5 Some of them even pray for you.
#6 They will go an extra mile for you.
#7 Some of them cry for you.
#8 They all have worries of their own.
#9 Their jobs can be stressful.
#10 They are not immune to your illness.
#11 Sometimes they bear the wrath of the doctor, the patient, & the family.
#12 Their shift can be long & exhausting.
#13 They are the hands & feet of the doctor.
#14 They care.
#15 Sometimes their tasks are unpleasant; that's putting it mildly.
#16 They are perceptive.
#17 They are human beings.
#18 Their jobs can be thankless.
#19 They comfort those who suffer.
#20 They give practical advice.
#21 They have servant's hearts.
#22 They put themselves in the patients' shoes.
#23 They expect nothing in return.
#24 If asked a question, they find an answer.
#25 Often they have chosen their profession because they have suffered or
loved someone who has suffered.
Nursie: My term of affection for my sweet daughter who is a nurse. I love you, Haley, & I am in awe of what you do. My life has been so enriched by my nurses.
#1 The best nurses feel called to be nurses.
#2 When a good nurse leaves her job, she is missed.
#3 The best ones explain in simple terms what they are about to do to you.
#4 The caring ones don't hesitate to hug you (if they can).
#5 Some of them even pray for you.
#6 They will go an extra mile for you.
#7 Some of them cry for you.
#8 They all have worries of their own.
#9 Their jobs can be stressful.
#10 They are not immune to your illness.
#11 Sometimes they bear the wrath of the doctor, the patient, & the family.
#12 Their shift can be long & exhausting.
#13 They are the hands & feet of the doctor.
#14 They care.
#15 Sometimes their tasks are unpleasant; that's putting it mildly.
#16 They are perceptive.
#17 They are human beings.
#18 Their jobs can be thankless.
#19 They comfort those who suffer.
#20 They give practical advice.
#21 They have servant's hearts.
#22 They put themselves in the patients' shoes.
#23 They expect nothing in return.
#24 If asked a question, they find an answer.
#25 Often they have chosen their profession because they have suffered or
loved someone who has suffered.
Nursie: My term of affection for my sweet daughter who is a nurse. I love you, Haley, & I am in awe of what you do. My life has been so enriched by my nurses.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Pretty. Pink. Shirt.
We went to our baby's college today & loaded up her stuff. I went, but I did not help. I sat. She is going to visit a friend this weekend, so she will not officially be home for a few more days. We sat outside in the sun for a little while, & I think my arms began to sunburn. She will be home for a month, & that always makes me happy! Saying good-bye to your friends is sad. Many of them are traveling abroad. She is going to South Africa.
This evening I am tired but in a good frame of mind. We stopped for some Chicago style pizza on our way home & had a little custard, 2 of my favorite things. Little dates with my husband bring me back to our courting days & being a teen. I love those memories & cherish every moment we have. I feel as though we are both taking more time along the road of life to stop & smell the roses. I love stopping to breathe in the moment & savor the joy.
I love this weather. When we got home, I sat on our back deck & visited with our neighbors. She too is a Survivor, & has expressed so much care/love for me over the last 9 months. She told me today that part of this journey is sharing with others. I wholeheartedly agree with her & hope to do just that. I feel that God has recently impressed upon my heart that others need to see my joy in spite of my circumstances. I feel He has given me a license to be happy so that others might notice & wonder.
Race for The Cure is one week from tomorrow. I am so excited, I can hardly wait! I just hope I will have the energy to participate after one more week of radiation & some of its side effects. The Race needs both participants & donations. I was studying the Susan G. Komen website & realized that their research has possibly saved my life. They are responsible for BRCA 1 & BRCA 2 testing ( looking at DNA to see if a person's cancer is hereditary), Her2 treatment for fast-growing cancers, & treatment for hormone dependent cancers. I have benefited from all of this research. My cancer is Her2 positive & hormone dependent. I've had my DNA tested, & thankfully, I am not BRCA positive.
All of these terms seemed foreign to me the day of my diagnosis. In the arms of Susan G. Komen, I was told so many things. I was terrified. My mind couldn't track. I could only cry. It was surreal. The doctor at the Breast Center was very concerned, & I knew my life was on the line. We had to act fast. In a whirlwind, I received one test after another & was shuffled off to a breast surgeon & an oncologist. The horror of it all will always remain fresh in my memory. Just thinking about it elicits a sick feeling throughout my body. Just the memory accelerates the beating of my heart.
So... as next Saturday approaches, I feel I owe Susan G. Komen my life. I am honored to wear my pretty pink shirt & my Survior's cap. I have a team with a silly name. I have bracelets for my team mates. They say, "No one fights alone." I wish everyone on this journey had a team. The comfort of my family & friends, their prayers, their encouragement, their tears... without them, I would not have the spirit I have. That, in itself, is a life saving!
This evening I am tired but in a good frame of mind. We stopped for some Chicago style pizza on our way home & had a little custard, 2 of my favorite things. Little dates with my husband bring me back to our courting days & being a teen. I love those memories & cherish every moment we have. I feel as though we are both taking more time along the road of life to stop & smell the roses. I love stopping to breathe in the moment & savor the joy.
I love this weather. When we got home, I sat on our back deck & visited with our neighbors. She too is a Survivor, & has expressed so much care/love for me over the last 9 months. She told me today that part of this journey is sharing with others. I wholeheartedly agree with her & hope to do just that. I feel that God has recently impressed upon my heart that others need to see my joy in spite of my circumstances. I feel He has given me a license to be happy so that others might notice & wonder.
Race for The Cure is one week from tomorrow. I am so excited, I can hardly wait! I just hope I will have the energy to participate after one more week of radiation & some of its side effects. The Race needs both participants & donations. I was studying the Susan G. Komen website & realized that their research has possibly saved my life. They are responsible for BRCA 1 & BRCA 2 testing ( looking at DNA to see if a person's cancer is hereditary), Her2 treatment for fast-growing cancers, & treatment for hormone dependent cancers. I have benefited from all of this research. My cancer is Her2 positive & hormone dependent. I've had my DNA tested, & thankfully, I am not BRCA positive.
All of these terms seemed foreign to me the day of my diagnosis. In the arms of Susan G. Komen, I was told so many things. I was terrified. My mind couldn't track. I could only cry. It was surreal. The doctor at the Breast Center was very concerned, & I knew my life was on the line. We had to act fast. In a whirlwind, I received one test after another & was shuffled off to a breast surgeon & an oncologist. The horror of it all will always remain fresh in my memory. Just thinking about it elicits a sick feeling throughout my body. Just the memory accelerates the beating of my heart.
So... as next Saturday approaches, I feel I owe Susan G. Komen my life. I am honored to wear my pretty pink shirt & my Survior's cap. I have a team with a silly name. I have bracelets for my team mates. They say, "No one fights alone." I wish everyone on this journey had a team. The comfort of my family & friends, their prayers, their encouragement, their tears... without them, I would not have the spirit I have. That, in itself, is a life saving!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
President Obama & I have something in common.
The sun came out today on more than one count. As I mentioned yesterday, my dear friend who is also fighting cancer is in the hospital with complications. I went to see her & was so relieved to see her feeling better. She has been on my mind, & I have been grieved for her. We talked about the horrors of our disease & how the side effects of the treatments are as bed if not worse than the disease. She asked me what the big mark on my neckline was, & she laughed her beautiful laugh when I told her it was the state of Illinois. Every day, I get marked at radiation, & it looks like the state of Illinois. I have no idea what it really is...
This morning, I said good-bye to the nurse who has cared for me the most at radiation. She has taken time to warm the wet rags that are daily laid upon my skin. She ties my gown for me everyday since my neuropathy hinders my dexterity (especially when I can't see what I'm doing). Every day, she asks me how I'm feeling, what my plans are. And... she remembers my answers. When I forget to put my arms above my head or follow the drill, she gently reminds me. She will be missed as she begins her new life. She was my ray of sunshine.
My daughter & I took her puppy on a short walk. The dog's personality is as darling as his looks. We went to lunch at the restaurant where her husband works, & he was our waiter. The salad I ordered was incredible & the service was the best! After that, we bummed around the mall & laughed at our own silly jokes. Spending time with her always brightens my day & makes me laugh. She is my nurse, but the best medicine of all is her funny personality.
I showed her my hair. She says it's intense. I think it looks just like President Obama's. We have the same doo. I will be very happy when I have bangs again. I do not know what to do about my new color & its intensity. God certainly has a sense of humor. It is shiny, soft, & silver. I look more like my mother every day. Only difference, she wears it better with her sparkly blue eyes.
Last night as I followed my husband up to bed, I laughed so hard I cried. It was just another silly joke, but it felt so good to laugh uncontrollably. Today, every time I thought about it, I chuckled in my own head. It's good to be enjoying life in spite of today's circumstances. It's good to feel light hearted & silly again. I don't know exactly why my joy is overflowing, but it feels good to be happy. It reminds me of a time not so long ago.
This morning, I said good-bye to the nurse who has cared for me the most at radiation. She has taken time to warm the wet rags that are daily laid upon my skin. She ties my gown for me everyday since my neuropathy hinders my dexterity (especially when I can't see what I'm doing). Every day, she asks me how I'm feeling, what my plans are. And... she remembers my answers. When I forget to put my arms above my head or follow the drill, she gently reminds me. She will be missed as she begins her new life. She was my ray of sunshine.
My daughter & I took her puppy on a short walk. The dog's personality is as darling as his looks. We went to lunch at the restaurant where her husband works, & he was our waiter. The salad I ordered was incredible & the service was the best! After that, we bummed around the mall & laughed at our own silly jokes. Spending time with her always brightens my day & makes me laugh. She is my nurse, but the best medicine of all is her funny personality.
I showed her my hair. She says it's intense. I think it looks just like President Obama's. We have the same doo. I will be very happy when I have bangs again. I do not know what to do about my new color & its intensity. God certainly has a sense of humor. It is shiny, soft, & silver. I look more like my mother every day. Only difference, she wears it better with her sparkly blue eyes.
Last night as I followed my husband up to bed, I laughed so hard I cried. It was just another silly joke, but it felt so good to laugh uncontrollably. Today, every time I thought about it, I chuckled in my own head. It's good to be enjoying life in spite of today's circumstances. It's good to feel light hearted & silly again. I don't know exactly why my joy is overflowing, but it feels good to be happy. It reminds me of a time not so long ago.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
no stats
Today a dear friend asked me what I would like to change with my life. Honestly, I was a little caught off guard. I guess the obvious answer would be that I could go back to July & never have this diagnosis. One of my dear survivor friends is fighting this battle & in the hospital right now with complications. My heart is heavy for her. Another friend is trying to help her father. He's just begun with Hospice Care. His health is declining, & the weight on his shoulders seems so heavy.
This evening as we ate dinner, I was catching my husband up on my sorrows. Cancer is an awful disease, & I wish my sweet friends could be spared their suffering. I have actually come to a peaceful spot that has lasted about 2 weeks. That's a record for the last 9 months. My emotions seem a bit more stable. I don't know why other than the fact that my joy is based on the truth, & I don't believe it will be stripped away from me as it was when I began radiation.
Yes, I'm sure I will crash again, especially if I receive unexpected news, but for now, I know my prognosis, & I simply believe I am in God's hands. I've always felt His loving arms around me, but my reality has caused me some pain. When I met my radiology oncologist, I lost my hope. I realized that my hope was not based on trusting God, but on some statistics & a diagnosis I misunderstood. The truth was hard to hear, but now I am so thankful I know the truth. It has allowed me to trust in God & not in my prognosis.
The main thing my radiology oncologist taught me was that we don't really have statistics for my case. I had my chemo first (adjuvant) before surgery, & we will never know if it was in more than one lymph node. Also, because adjuvant chemo therapy is a fairly new order of treatment, there really aren't finished studies available. I told my friend today that I think I am better off not knowing exactly where I stand. It's easier to place my trust in my Heavenly Father than in statistics. After all, He's bigger than the stats & has the real say. I no longer have a prognosis that can be ripped out from under me.
So... I've spent the day processing my friend's question. I'm so glad she asked me this question because it's made me realize something I didn't know... I love my life, & I love where this cancer has placed me in relationship to God. This leg of my journey has been very trying. I've had to limit my final vice, caffeine, in hopes of preventing lymphedema. Lying on a radiation table for 25 minutes each day takes restraint. I pray through it, but it never fails, I get an itch I can't scratch. I love my doctor because he was honest with me. I have suffered emotionally through all of this, but I can already sense growth in my suffering.
If I could undo my cancer to spare my family, I would. But, since I cannot, I am going to trust in God that through my suffering, He will build their faith as He has mine. If I could take this cup from them, I would. Lastly, there is a well known list of things that cancer cannot take from a person. Lately, I have been overcome with joy because I have realized that cancer cannot strip me of my love for people. I have not lost my compassion for others, & for that, I am grateful.
This evening as we ate dinner, I was catching my husband up on my sorrows. Cancer is an awful disease, & I wish my sweet friends could be spared their suffering. I have actually come to a peaceful spot that has lasted about 2 weeks. That's a record for the last 9 months. My emotions seem a bit more stable. I don't know why other than the fact that my joy is based on the truth, & I don't believe it will be stripped away from me as it was when I began radiation.
Yes, I'm sure I will crash again, especially if I receive unexpected news, but for now, I know my prognosis, & I simply believe I am in God's hands. I've always felt His loving arms around me, but my reality has caused me some pain. When I met my radiology oncologist, I lost my hope. I realized that my hope was not based on trusting God, but on some statistics & a diagnosis I misunderstood. The truth was hard to hear, but now I am so thankful I know the truth. It has allowed me to trust in God & not in my prognosis.
The main thing my radiology oncologist taught me was that we don't really have statistics for my case. I had my chemo first (adjuvant) before surgery, & we will never know if it was in more than one lymph node. Also, because adjuvant chemo therapy is a fairly new order of treatment, there really aren't finished studies available. I told my friend today that I think I am better off not knowing exactly where I stand. It's easier to place my trust in my Heavenly Father than in statistics. After all, He's bigger than the stats & has the real say. I no longer have a prognosis that can be ripped out from under me.
So... I've spent the day processing my friend's question. I'm so glad she asked me this question because it's made me realize something I didn't know... I love my life, & I love where this cancer has placed me in relationship to God. This leg of my journey has been very trying. I've had to limit my final vice, caffeine, in hopes of preventing lymphedema. Lying on a radiation table for 25 minutes each day takes restraint. I pray through it, but it never fails, I get an itch I can't scratch. I love my doctor because he was honest with me. I have suffered emotionally through all of this, but I can already sense growth in my suffering.
If I could undo my cancer to spare my family, I would. But, since I cannot, I am going to trust in God that through my suffering, He will build their faith as He has mine. If I could take this cup from them, I would. Lastly, there is a well known list of things that cancer cannot take from a person. Lately, I have been overcome with joy because I have realized that cancer cannot strip me of my love for people. I have not lost my compassion for others, & for that, I am grateful.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
my little godson & his mama
13 out of 33 completed. 20 more to go. The countdown is on. Each day gets me one day closer to the end of radiation. Yesterday I was accompanied by 2 of my favorite people, my dear friend and her precious little boy, my godson. He's 2. He brought 2 of his favorite companions, Percy & James. He played choo choo while I had radiation. He brightened up the whole place. The nurses were unaccustomed to hearing his sweet giggles & his choo choo sounds. This lil guy prays for me daily, & when my name was called for radiation, he looked up at his mama & asked, "Susie sick?"
We had to wonder what he understands at his innocent young age. He came into my life when he was adopted (about a year & 1/2 ago). His mother (my husband's radio co host) bestowed perhaps the greatest honor on me I have ever known. She asked us to be his godparents. We didn't have to think; we just responded with a resounding "yes." Loving this little boy has been one of my greatest joys. His personality is heartwarming. He's a very loving little boy with a heart that overflows with joy. Like every small child, each day is a new adventure.
His Mama may be my husband's cohort, but to me she is an answer to prayer. I say this for many reasons. She is the perfect match for his personality, like a daughter but without any family baggage. I liked her from the start. Not only is she talented, she has a mind which is filled with so many amazing facts. She thinks about things Ive never pondered. She accepts others without question. She cooks amazing dishes with ingredients I didn't know were edible. She loves her precious gift from God, her little boy, more than life.
When she asked me to be his godmother, I was at a low point in my life. We were almost empty nesters, & I was leaving my position as a youth leader, something I loved doing. I was experiencing a double loss, & I wasn't quite sure how I would fill my time. This little boy not only occupied some of my time, he occupied space in my heart that would heal some of my wounds. Being his godmother was God's way of letting me know I still mattered. Because of this precious little child, I had reason to love. Loving him, being his godmother, has been one of my greatest blessings. Yesterday, as he accompanied me to my treatment, I felt like I was the happiest person on the hospital grounds.
We had to wonder what he understands at his innocent young age. He came into my life when he was adopted (about a year & 1/2 ago). His mother (my husband's radio co host) bestowed perhaps the greatest honor on me I have ever known. She asked us to be his godparents. We didn't have to think; we just responded with a resounding "yes." Loving this little boy has been one of my greatest joys. His personality is heartwarming. He's a very loving little boy with a heart that overflows with joy. Like every small child, each day is a new adventure.
His Mama may be my husband's cohort, but to me she is an answer to prayer. I say this for many reasons. She is the perfect match for his personality, like a daughter but without any family baggage. I liked her from the start. Not only is she talented, she has a mind which is filled with so many amazing facts. She thinks about things Ive never pondered. She accepts others without question. She cooks amazing dishes with ingredients I didn't know were edible. She loves her precious gift from God, her little boy, more than life.
When she asked me to be his godmother, I was at a low point in my life. We were almost empty nesters, & I was leaving my position as a youth leader, something I loved doing. I was experiencing a double loss, & I wasn't quite sure how I would fill my time. This little boy not only occupied some of my time, he occupied space in my heart that would heal some of my wounds. Being his godmother was God's way of letting me know I still mattered. Because of this precious little child, I had reason to love. Loving him, being his godmother, has been one of my greatest blessings. Yesterday, as he accompanied me to my treatment, I felt like I was the happiest person on the hospital grounds.
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