For 25 years, my family attended a church in which we were very active. We loved our little church & gave our hearts, our souls, & our lives in service. Sundays were anything but restful, but what we did, we did in the name of the Lord. Sunday was the most important day of my week (as a youth leader). I spent my whole week planning for Sunday evening. I figured the kids who came were giving me an opportunity to impact their lives. It wasn't about me. It was about God. It was about teenagers.
As I've said before, this 8 year period of my life (next to raising 3 daughters), was the most fulfilling time of my life. It was exhausting. I was always on call, & I never knew what was coming my way. Prior to this calling, I didn't even know that I liked teens or that I could speak into a microphone. God truly calls the unqualified & qualifies the called. That's the beauty of it all, & the way in which His glory shines fully.
In time, through some sad events & life changes, God saw fit to call me out of this ministry & even to a new church home. One of the hardest things we ever did was leave this church. After all, we'd raised our children there & attended for 25 years. It seemed unbelievable to me that this was happening. Even now, it baffles me.
Fast forward 4 years... it took us a year to find a church. Once we attended our new church home, we never felt a need to look any farther. Just as we planted ourselves there & began to make a few friends, I was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, our church life, along with every part of our lives, came to a screeching halt. We had hopes to serve, but they would be put on hold.
So... finally, we are ready to serve again. It doesn't seem like we are doing much compared to the first 25 years of our marriage. Sundays are different now. They are peaceful, nourishing, & loving. We feel uplifted when we leave church. We never leave without a treasure, a thought to ponder, to make us deeper, more thoughtful human beings. Sometimes I even feel guilty for the joy I find in this church.
People are not judged in this church. In fact, they belong even before they become a member. This church reaches beyond its walls into the community, but at the same time, it loves on its congregation. The Bible stresses that the way we treat each other is significant because others notice. I marvel at the truth in this reality. We have 4 pastors from 4 different backgrounds that truly love each other.
Over the past year, even through irregular attendance due to illness, this church somehow found a way to minister to me. It might have been in simple ways, but I felt so prayed for & loved. My service seems so small, none the less, it feels beautiful. To be able to greet people, help a friend, lead a small group... It's a privilege & an honor.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Simplicity
Simple things mean the most. This week I got to be "Grandma" to a little third grade girl who's Grandma lives out of town. Wow! What an honor! I had big shoes to fill. It was Grandparents Day at her school. I arrived a little early in case the parking lot was full. It was. I waited in the foyer with all of the other Grandparents, allowing the classroom teachers time to take attendance & such.
After a few moments, we were permitted to find our Grandchild's classroom. I found mine with ease & was greeted by the sweetest, cutest face in the whole school. She was so happy to see her "fill-in Grandma." I couldn't have been more excited myself. She gives the best hugs in the school too!
I sat by her desk, & we enjoyed a big, fat cinnamon roll & some slushy apple juice. Delish! First, she interviewed me about my life. I loved the questions about how things have evolved over the years. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her my generation didn't have computers or cell phones. I loved the look of surprise on her face.
We played a few games, just the 2 of us. She showed me around her classroom & introduced me to her beloved teacher. We went to the gym for pictures. My favorite part was the picture we drew together. She loved my artwork; I could only laugh. She didn't understand that my art skills stopped right about 3rd grade. I guess that's how she could honestly think I had any talent. She drew herself & me. I drew the dog & the cat. She colored in the sky with a pretty sunshine. I got the grass & the rainbow. Teamwork at its best!
The time passed quickly, & soon it was time for me to go. I hugged my little sweetie good-bye. It truly was the highlight of my week. I saw a few friends from the past. They were shocked I was a grandparent. I explained that I was just filling in, but that I could easily be a Grandma. I loved the simplicity of the morning. It was just a meaningful time spent together doing simple things. I think I've found my calling.
After a few moments, we were permitted to find our Grandchild's classroom. I found mine with ease & was greeted by the sweetest, cutest face in the whole school. She was so happy to see her "fill-in Grandma." I couldn't have been more excited myself. She gives the best hugs in the school too!
I sat by her desk, & we enjoyed a big, fat cinnamon roll & some slushy apple juice. Delish! First, she interviewed me about my life. I loved the questions about how things have evolved over the years. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her my generation didn't have computers or cell phones. I loved the look of surprise on her face.
We played a few games, just the 2 of us. She showed me around her classroom & introduced me to her beloved teacher. We went to the gym for pictures. My favorite part was the picture we drew together. She loved my artwork; I could only laugh. She didn't understand that my art skills stopped right about 3rd grade. I guess that's how she could honestly think I had any talent. She drew herself & me. I drew the dog & the cat. She colored in the sky with a pretty sunshine. I got the grass & the rainbow. Teamwork at its best!
The time passed quickly, & soon it was time for me to go. I hugged my little sweetie good-bye. It truly was the highlight of my week. I saw a few friends from the past. They were shocked I was a grandparent. I explained that I was just filling in, but that I could easily be a Grandma. I loved the simplicity of the morning. It was just a meaningful time spent together doing simple things. I think I've found my calling.
Monday, October 1, 2012
It's too much!
Today begins Breast Cancer Awareness month. In recognition, I've had my nails painted a bright pink, displaying a sparkly ribbon on each thumbnail. This morning I met with 2 survivor friends for breakfast. We were caught totally off guard when a woman anonymously payed our bill & even left money for the tip. I felt so honored. She told the hostess she just wanted to do it because we are survivors.
I'm sure some people get tired of hearing about breast cancer. It sure does get a lot of hype. In the beginning of my journey, I felt guilty because breast cancer receives more attention than any other cancer. However, after walking this journey now just a little over a year, I sense an urgency to find a cure for this dreaded disease. It catches you by surprise & overtakes your life. 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer.
No one is immune to this terrible disease. It has a foreign language all its own. It's a mixed bag of treatments & side effects. Will it come back with a vengeance, or will it be just a chapter in your life? Everything about it seems so random to the patient. Yes... statistics seem to be available for every possible scenario, but the bottom line is There are no guarantees.
You have choices, & you have to choose what brings you the most peace. Never mind if your doctor tells you No one else would do what you have decided to do. You must educate yourself, learn the foreign language, & become your own advocate. Depending on your diagnosis, you may be seeing 4 or 5 different doctors. If you don't keep everything coordinated, important decisions will slip through the cracks.
In 19 days, I will be attending a benefit for a dear friend. She is fighting for her life. She has 2 young children. Her cancer came back with a vengeance & now resides in her bones, her brain, & her liver. In spite of her almost constant pain, she chooses joy. She wants her children to have a childhood with memories apart from their mama suffering from cancer. My heart breaks for them. Seeing their mama suffer is unbearable. It's too much! She is my hero. When I was newly diagnosed, she wanted me to know that it would likely just be a chapter in my life (unlike her own).
So... for her... I will recognize this month of October, Breast Cancer Awareness month. I will do all I can for this cause. 1 in 8 is too many effected lives. I've sat in small crowds many times this past year, knowing there were at least 3 survivors present. Seeing all the pink at Race for The Cure is sobering. It's heart wrenching. It's overwhelming. It's too much!
I'm sure some people get tired of hearing about breast cancer. It sure does get a lot of hype. In the beginning of my journey, I felt guilty because breast cancer receives more attention than any other cancer. However, after walking this journey now just a little over a year, I sense an urgency to find a cure for this dreaded disease. It catches you by surprise & overtakes your life. 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer.
No one is immune to this terrible disease. It has a foreign language all its own. It's a mixed bag of treatments & side effects. Will it come back with a vengeance, or will it be just a chapter in your life? Everything about it seems so random to the patient. Yes... statistics seem to be available for every possible scenario, but the bottom line is There are no guarantees.
You have choices, & you have to choose what brings you the most peace. Never mind if your doctor tells you No one else would do what you have decided to do. You must educate yourself, learn the foreign language, & become your own advocate. Depending on your diagnosis, you may be seeing 4 or 5 different doctors. If you don't keep everything coordinated, important decisions will slip through the cracks.
In 19 days, I will be attending a benefit for a dear friend. She is fighting for her life. She has 2 young children. Her cancer came back with a vengeance & now resides in her bones, her brain, & her liver. In spite of her almost constant pain, she chooses joy. She wants her children to have a childhood with memories apart from their mama suffering from cancer. My heart breaks for them. Seeing their mama suffer is unbearable. It's too much! She is my hero. When I was newly diagnosed, she wanted me to know that it would likely just be a chapter in my life (unlike her own).
So... for her... I will recognize this month of October, Breast Cancer Awareness month. I will do all I can for this cause. 1 in 8 is too many effected lives. I've sat in small crowds many times this past year, knowing there were at least 3 survivors present. Seeing all the pink at Race for The Cure is sobering. It's heart wrenching. It's overwhelming. It's too much!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Cast aside...
Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending one of the most precious birthday parties I've ever experienced. My little Godson is turning 3. His party was at one of my favorite locations, Chuck E. Cheese. At 3, he's just catching on to what birthday parties are all about. He didn't quite understand waiting to open his presents. His cake was set in front of him, but he had to wait to blow his 3 candles out. He blew them out 1 at a time. The kind hostess relit them, & again, he blew them out 1 at a time.
He preferred not to wear his birthday crown. In fact, he refused. He didn't think being adorned with a birthday medal was a necessity either. Being the good sport that his mom is, she let him open a few presents early, wore the birthday crown herself, & even sported the cute Chuck E. Cheese birthday medal around her neck.
The funniest part had to be the Ticket Blast. It's like a simulated hurricane. You put on safety glasses & step in the space shuttle (so to speak). Air starts blowing all around you while you try to grab tickets. What a blast! The birthday boy held on for dear life. He kept screaming "All done.... all done!" Thankfully, it only took a few minutes, & the wind stopped. He & his momma stepped out with wind blown hair, a few tickets, & 2 great big smiles. We had to applaud them!
Aside from all the fun, & just being in the presence of my adorable Godson, this party had an extra sweet element. 3 of the little boys (my Godson included) are all adopted from Russia. Their lives have been redeemed. From orphans to dearly loved little boys with the hope of a bright future. As much as their lives have changed, they have changed the lives of their parents.
I was honored to witness such a precious birthday party. I am in awe of these parents who have gone to the ends of the earth for these little boys. Their story is redemption. Out of hurt, sadness, desperation, or for whatever reason, these 3 little boys were cast aside, left as orphans. For other unknown reasons, these parents found a way to find these beautiful little boys. Yes... what a precious gathering!
He preferred not to wear his birthday crown. In fact, he refused. He didn't think being adorned with a birthday medal was a necessity either. Being the good sport that his mom is, she let him open a few presents early, wore the birthday crown herself, & even sported the cute Chuck E. Cheese birthday medal around her neck.
The funniest part had to be the Ticket Blast. It's like a simulated hurricane. You put on safety glasses & step in the space shuttle (so to speak). Air starts blowing all around you while you try to grab tickets. What a blast! The birthday boy held on for dear life. He kept screaming "All done.... all done!" Thankfully, it only took a few minutes, & the wind stopped. He & his momma stepped out with wind blown hair, a few tickets, & 2 great big smiles. We had to applaud them!
Aside from all the fun, & just being in the presence of my adorable Godson, this party had an extra sweet element. 3 of the little boys (my Godson included) are all adopted from Russia. Their lives have been redeemed. From orphans to dearly loved little boys with the hope of a bright future. As much as their lives have changed, they have changed the lives of their parents.
I was honored to witness such a precious birthday party. I am in awe of these parents who have gone to the ends of the earth for these little boys. Their story is redemption. Out of hurt, sadness, desperation, or for whatever reason, these 3 little boys were cast aside, left as orphans. For other unknown reasons, these parents found a way to find these beautiful little boys. Yes... what a precious gathering!
Friday, September 28, 2012
The Unspeakable
Yesterday, the unspeakable happened. A young mother left her sweet 3 week old defenseless baby on the side of the road. To make matters worse, she notified the police that her baby had been abducted. The Amber Alert was put into action, endless prayers were offered up to God, & roughly 12 hours later, 2 volunteers heard the baby cry, & delivered her to safety. This little sweetie was actually found during a prayer vigil. I believe God answered our prayers.
So... we have a choice. We can lash out on FB, share our disgust, & make this family feel even smaller than they do, or we can pray for them. If I were in their shoes, it would be the greatest nightmare of my life. Yes... even bigger than my dad falling off a roof & dying from cancer. It beats my own cancer. It beats all of my heartaches in life put together.
I can't imagine the sickness they must have all felt when the baby's mommy went from being the victim to the criminal. In the blink of an eye, their worst nightmare (an abducted baby) became even worse (the mommy abandoned her). The day was long. It was beyond draining. It was excruciating. They were so grateful the baby was found before dark. She was alive. There was hope. She would likely recover. She's a fighter!
On the flip side... their world was turned upside down & inside out. If that isn't enough, all eyes are on them. People sit in judgement sickened by this mother's unconscionable act. They simply can't wait to voice their 2 cents.... I would never do that. Of course, they are freely giving their opinion on what kind of sentence the mother deserves. They are disturbed, disgusted. You name it, they are feeling it, & voicing it.
I'd like to challenge the people who have made cruel statements via FB to reconsider & delete their cruel comments. This family is sick. Obviously, the mother is not well. There aren't even words to describe this act. Their main concern is the care of this little baby & her infant sister. These 2 little treasures mean the world to them. We don't always get what we deserve in life, & sometimes we do. Some tragedies elicit sympathy. Others elicit cruelty. Either way, it's tragic.
We are not better because we have avoided such an atrocity in our own family. Let's face it... we all need to clean up our own hearts & stop throwing stones. There by the grace of God go I. What's the next tragedy my family will face? Will it elicit comfort or cruelty from my fellow human beings? Either way, I will be at my lowest. Will you lift me up or pound me further into the ground?
So... we have a choice. We can lash out on FB, share our disgust, & make this family feel even smaller than they do, or we can pray for them. If I were in their shoes, it would be the greatest nightmare of my life. Yes... even bigger than my dad falling off a roof & dying from cancer. It beats my own cancer. It beats all of my heartaches in life put together.
I can't imagine the sickness they must have all felt when the baby's mommy went from being the victim to the criminal. In the blink of an eye, their worst nightmare (an abducted baby) became even worse (the mommy abandoned her). The day was long. It was beyond draining. It was excruciating. They were so grateful the baby was found before dark. She was alive. There was hope. She would likely recover. She's a fighter!
On the flip side... their world was turned upside down & inside out. If that isn't enough, all eyes are on them. People sit in judgement sickened by this mother's unconscionable act. They simply can't wait to voice their 2 cents.... I would never do that. Of course, they are freely giving their opinion on what kind of sentence the mother deserves. They are disturbed, disgusted. You name it, they are feeling it, & voicing it.
I'd like to challenge the people who have made cruel statements via FB to reconsider & delete their cruel comments. This family is sick. Obviously, the mother is not well. There aren't even words to describe this act. Their main concern is the care of this little baby & her infant sister. These 2 little treasures mean the world to them. We don't always get what we deserve in life, & sometimes we do. Some tragedies elicit sympathy. Others elicit cruelty. Either way, it's tragic.
We are not better because we have avoided such an atrocity in our own family. Let's face it... we all need to clean up our own hearts & stop throwing stones. There by the grace of God go I. What's the next tragedy my family will face? Will it elicit comfort or cruelty from my fellow human beings? Either way, I will be at my lowest. Will you lift me up or pound me further into the ground?
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
That was the best part of all!
If you are my FB friend, then you know I just had the celebration of a lifetime at Disney World. My husband is my personal "make-a-wish" foundation. As you know, he went to China on a mission trip. Originally, I was going with him. Then... my diagnosis came, & our plans changed. So... while he was in China, a long time friend & I went to Disney World. This trip was my end of treatment celebration.
I've never seen Disney World as I did on this trip. There are probably no 2 travelers on this earth who are more compatible than my friend & me. We really didn't do rides (unless you consider It's a Small World a ride). We browsed & shopped a lot. We saw fireworks almost every night. We dined with characters & even ate in the castle. The last night we splurged & went to the Halloween Party. Oh what a party!
Halfway through our stay, we swam with a dolphin named Lester. What a hoot! We had the most beautiful day of the week & enjoyed every minute. The lazy river was amazing. We attempted to snorkel & even swam with spotted sea rays. We visited a bird aviary, & I stepped out of my box & fed a bird while he sat on my wrist.
As we boarded our plane to come home, my friend asked me what my favorite part of the trip was. Truthfully, I had so much fun, it's hard to say... But, as I've pondered this question over the last few days, I can honestly say, the time spent with my friend was definitely the best part. We laughed so hard we cried a few times.
I became very sick half way through the trip. My friend took care of me & hiked miles to get me something to soothe my stomach. I felt so bad putting a damper on our trip, however she never batted an eye. I had a few limitations. She acted as if they were not limits at all. She carried my bags when my shoulder hurt. She waited on me time & again, as I became queasy. She checked on me in the night when I was feverish. She ate when I was hungary (even if she wasn't). And... she made sure I had plenty of water.
My friend defines what it means to have a servant heart. She's been my friend for 25 years, so this fact is not new to me. However, being the recipient of her servant heart for 7 straight days was something I'd not yet experienced. She serves with such grace, you could almost take her for granted (as I'm sure many people do). I know I'm a grown woman, but after this past year, I'm not quite as resilient, sharp, & confident as I once was. Having a friend like this is nothing to take for granted.
At the end of the trip, I asked her if she learned anything new about me. She said no. I questioned her thoroughly. I asked her if she had realized the extent of some of my quirks before this trip. Apparently she had, because she said no. As for me, I don't know why I'm surprised, but the depth of her goodness left me in awe. I've always known her to be kind, but somehow it had new meaning after this trip. I felt like God took me & put me in the best possible hands (as if she were family), & gave me a week full of treasured memories. That was the best part of all!
I've never seen Disney World as I did on this trip. There are probably no 2 travelers on this earth who are more compatible than my friend & me. We really didn't do rides (unless you consider It's a Small World a ride). We browsed & shopped a lot. We saw fireworks almost every night. We dined with characters & even ate in the castle. The last night we splurged & went to the Halloween Party. Oh what a party!
Halfway through our stay, we swam with a dolphin named Lester. What a hoot! We had the most beautiful day of the week & enjoyed every minute. The lazy river was amazing. We attempted to snorkel & even swam with spotted sea rays. We visited a bird aviary, & I stepped out of my box & fed a bird while he sat on my wrist.
As we boarded our plane to come home, my friend asked me what my favorite part of the trip was. Truthfully, I had so much fun, it's hard to say... But, as I've pondered this question over the last few days, I can honestly say, the time spent with my friend was definitely the best part. We laughed so hard we cried a few times.
I became very sick half way through the trip. My friend took care of me & hiked miles to get me something to soothe my stomach. I felt so bad putting a damper on our trip, however she never batted an eye. I had a few limitations. She acted as if they were not limits at all. She carried my bags when my shoulder hurt. She waited on me time & again, as I became queasy. She checked on me in the night when I was feverish. She ate when I was hungary (even if she wasn't). And... she made sure I had plenty of water.
My friend defines what it means to have a servant heart. She's been my friend for 25 years, so this fact is not new to me. However, being the recipient of her servant heart for 7 straight days was something I'd not yet experienced. She serves with such grace, you could almost take her for granted (as I'm sure many people do). I know I'm a grown woman, but after this past year, I'm not quite as resilient, sharp, & confident as I once was. Having a friend like this is nothing to take for granted.
At the end of the trip, I asked her if she learned anything new about me. She said no. I questioned her thoroughly. I asked her if she had realized the extent of some of my quirks before this trip. Apparently she had, because she said no. As for me, I don't know why I'm surprised, but the depth of her goodness left me in awe. I've always known her to be kind, but somehow it had new meaning after this trip. I felt like God took me & put me in the best possible hands (as if she were family), & gave me a week full of treasured memories. That was the best part of all!
BitterSweet
Yesterday was bittersweet. I had my last treatment. Wow! To think how far I've come in a year! When I think back, I am so thankful to be in the place I am now. I still have a few surgeries left, but nothing major. A year ago, we were planning a wedding, looking forward to Christmas, having chemo, trying to make an overwhelming decision about surgery, & awaiting many unanswered questions.
I felt like a ballon without any air. I tolerated chemo very well for the most part, just got a bit weak. It was about this time, we shaved my head. I remember it distinctly & always will. I remember the relief that followed when my family told me I had a pretty head. We didn't really shed any tears. We just got the job done.
I think I lived in shock for most of the year. I just couldn't believe what had happened to me, kind of an outer body experience. In a strange sense, I feel very honored to have walked this walk. As I said, it's a journey no one would chose, not me, not even now. But... God has given me depth through it all, & for that, I am thankful. Now... I have to remind myself to pick up the pace. I am well & striving for a full recovery.
Today is bittersweet because as I finish my treatments, one of my heroes has been admitted to the hospital. Her cancer has spread, & she is in pain. She is young & beautiful. She is faithful. She has a husband & 2 young children. It just doesn't seem fair. I know she has pondered such news for years, but still, I think she must be in shock.
I have never taken news like this well, & I've only found it harder as I've survived this past year. It weighs heavily on my heart, & I dwell on it. I pray for her constantly. I pray for a miracle. I pray that she will know God's presence. That's the only thing I am sure of. I pray that she will be relieved of her suffering. I pray for her beloved husband & her 2 sweet children. It isn't fair. I pray for her parents & her sisters. They are all on this journey together. It isn't fair.
There are no earthly answers to my questions. I've only known her a short time. Yet, she stole my heart from the start. She came to minister to me, to tell me that this would just be a chapter in my life (even though she knew her's was more). It isn't fair.
I felt like a ballon without any air. I tolerated chemo very well for the most part, just got a bit weak. It was about this time, we shaved my head. I remember it distinctly & always will. I remember the relief that followed when my family told me I had a pretty head. We didn't really shed any tears. We just got the job done.
I think I lived in shock for most of the year. I just couldn't believe what had happened to me, kind of an outer body experience. In a strange sense, I feel very honored to have walked this walk. As I said, it's a journey no one would chose, not me, not even now. But... God has given me depth through it all, & for that, I am thankful. Now... I have to remind myself to pick up the pace. I am well & striving for a full recovery.
Today is bittersweet because as I finish my treatments, one of my heroes has been admitted to the hospital. Her cancer has spread, & she is in pain. She is young & beautiful. She is faithful. She has a husband & 2 young children. It just doesn't seem fair. I know she has pondered such news for years, but still, I think she must be in shock.
I have never taken news like this well, & I've only found it harder as I've survived this past year. It weighs heavily on my heart, & I dwell on it. I pray for her constantly. I pray for a miracle. I pray that she will know God's presence. That's the only thing I am sure of. I pray that she will be relieved of her suffering. I pray for her beloved husband & her 2 sweet children. It isn't fair. I pray for her parents & her sisters. They are all on this journey together. It isn't fair.
There are no earthly answers to my questions. I've only known her a short time. Yet, she stole my heart from the start. She came to minister to me, to tell me that this would just be a chapter in my life (even though she knew her's was more). It isn't fair.
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