As I sit down to write this blog, I don't know if I am writing it for me or for you, maybe for the both of us. It is not going to necessarily be a "feel good" read. That's my disclaimer, so if you don't want to read my introspective thoughts, feel free to X out right now. If you are still with me, please do not be concerned for me that I am in a bad or sad place. I think I am in a good place, just lots of deep thoughts (some of which are sad), but I find myself in a place of reality. I believe in living in reality. I am not a glass half empty person by any means. I am also not an "I am blessed" person. Yes, I am richly blessed in more ways than I could ever share, but still, at times, I grieve.
I have recently seen 3 thought provoking movies which I realize are in part responsible for how I am thinking & feeling. All 3 of them have impacted me greatly. I find myself thinking about them & trying to make sense of the truths they conveyed. I am not sure trying to "make sense" of truth is even possible. So, maybe it is better just to accept the truth for what it is. One of my dear friends lives by the creed, "It is what it is." I don't find her creed particularly comforting, but it is an acceptance of the truth.
I have always believed in seeing the glass half full. However, I do not believe in minimizing the empty half of the glass. I don't know if dwelling on the empty part of the glass is productive or healthy, but I believe it is a necessary part of living in the moment. Grief comes in many forms, & I don't think we allow ourselves to grow as human beings if we are not in touch with our heartaches & at least able to admit them to ourselves.
I think being cognizant of our grief is an honesty we owe to ourselves. Stuffing "it" just doesn't work.
If our grief robs us of our joy, I believe that is okay. It's painful, but it's honest. As I have thought about the messages of these 3 movies, my own place in life at this time, & the current place of so many people I know, I realize "game changers" occur in life which do not allow our existence to return to what we once knew as "normal." I believe that is where grief takes flight.
Sometimes "game changers" catch us by surprise. Other times, we see them coming. They become a part of our lives with or without permission. They are out of our control, even if we had a part in causing them. Perhaps we made a bad decision, or the game changer came like a thief in the night, forever robbing us of the life we once knew. I believe the only control we have in these life changing experiences is HOW we are going to face them.
Here is the part of the "game changer" I am just beginning to grasp. Sometimes, because a tragedy is so great or a person is unable to heal emotionally, resolution does not occur, & living a changed life is unbearable. Relationships cannot always be mended, & people remain stuck forever in a state of grief. I believe we all have a glass which is half empty or half full (depending on how we see it). I believe we all face circumstances which if given permission will put us over our edge. Some people have more "grit" than others. Somehow, they have the capacity to heal & even find beauty in disastrous situations that would leave many of us in a dysfunctional state at best. Accepting that sometimes resolution does not occur is sometimes unacceptable to me. Seeing a person unable to heal (forever walking through this life in a state of grief) is one of the most painful things I know. It likely is understandable, but in reality, so very sad.
Note: The 3 movies which impacted this blog are,,, Collateral Beauty, Fences, & Manchester by the Bay.