Just plain weird.

My journey is unique. It's complex. It's hopeful, but it's just plain weird! I think I have little to complain about because I had a very kind & humble, skilled doctor looking over me. She wasn't afraid to ask for help when she knew she needed it for my best outcome. I believe that someone was watching over me. The fact that other skilled surgeons were available & came to her aid (or my aid) at just the right time simply blows my mind! Because I believe that all good things come from above, I thank God for aligning my stars.

The surgery began on time. Going in, everything looked good. I'd had bleeding. My sonogram showed a thickening of the lining of the uterus. My D&C was clean. My pre op tests were good (labs & EKG). My labs the morning of the surgery were good. I had my usual amount of anxiety, but I just figured that was normal. My biggest concern being, "What if she (my doctor) finds cancer? I could never have imagined what she found, & I'm not sure that sharing it is or isn't TMI? I don't even know how to word that question clearly. So... here goes. I'm going to be straight with you. If you want to judge me for TMI, I understand.

I am still traumatized by what the doctor found. It was the severest form of endometriosis that exists. My organs had all meshed together & fallen into my pelvis. I had a frozen pelvis. My organs could not be differentiated one from the other. The doctor is trained on a a Robot. If you google Robotic, you will see a machine that looks like it just walked out of a Star Wars movie.

As the doctor operated, she was not anywhere near my body. Rather, she was sitting at a screen with a joy stick commanding the little tools to meticulously cut the endometriosis out of me. By the grace of God, the Oncology OB GYN (also trained on a Robot) was nearby & able to assist. The 2 doctors worked side by side to cut pieces of frozen endometriosis from my pelvic area. As time went on, the General Surgeon was called in. Another surprise! My rectum had grown into my uterus.

The General Surgeon said it was too complicated for her so a Colorectal Doctor who also was trained on a Robot came to the good doctor's aid on my behalf. He dissected my colon, removed it from the uterus, & sewed it back together. "What the Heck?" I'm like, "Did this really just happen?" I also had a colonoscopy during all of this. Btw... my bladder is good. That got a look too.

I think I must have had 4 or so surgeries in one unexpected sitting. Waking up was hard for me. It took about 4 hours. Once I was placed in a room, I became so nauseated I couldn't move for the next 4 hours. In all I have been through, I have never known suffering like that. I hope I never have to face 1 minute like those 4 hours ever again!

I am now home. My prayer is that I won't get an infection. My pain level is just discomfort, not really even pain. Pottying is a little unnerving, but I believe that will resolve itself in time. If I have to have surgery again (which I may), I will be afraid. Severe Endometriosis has 7 tell tale symptoms. In all of my 56 years, I have never experienced 1 symptom. Apparently, my case was silent. As I recover, I expect some level of pain. I have had little to none. Just discomfort & trouble getting up out of my chair. Hopefully, my pathology will come back cancer free. I must give a shout out to Doctor Cameron, the other doctors who so kindly stepped in, all of my praying, caring friends, & the Good Lord Above for aligning my stars.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my surgery. If you follow me on FB, you may already know that. I have debated on whether to write this blog or not. Why not? It's personal. It's private. I make myself vulnerable & entrust those who read this blog with not judging me for writing it. Why write? Because I try to live as transparently as possible without sharing information that isn't mine to share & without sharing information that would be hurtful to my loved ones. It's a fine line at times. Lastly, why write it? Because it's part of my story. Its part of what fuels my passion for Team Sweet Potatas, & I believe sharing it may somehow help another soul.

So... it's almost 24 hours before my surgery. My nerves have begun to unravel a bit. Still, I think I am doing pretty good for me. What's to fear? This surgery isn't so much about cancer as it is about the lasting effects of cancer treatment. Reality: cancer is always a concern, especially if you are a cancer survivor. Fact: God is bigger than whatever I am told when I awake. He already knows what I will hear. It will be no surprise to Him. As I was praying yesterday in church, I felt as tho' He reassured me that all will be okay. I will hold that close to my heart. He gives me strength.

In my younger years, my prayers were more like begging God that everything would be okay. As I have matured in my faith, I pray more that I will know God's presence, & I thank God that He will be with me whatever I am told. As the Anesthesiologist puts me out tomorrow morning, I will rest in Him. I expect to awake calmly & hear my news. Was the surgery done in the least invasive way as possible? Did the Dr see anything of concern? When will all of my pathology reports be available? What should I expect with my recovery (depending on how the Dr performed the surgery)?

I have prepared myself for this surgery as best I can. It is my choice, but given what I might experience if I don't do it, I have peace that I have made the best decision for my circumstances. I have stocked up on things you stock up on before surgery. I have entrusted my emotions to the Good Lord Above. Those darn emotions can get our of hand. For me, this journey isn't so much about the physical & medical aspects, it's about dealing with my emotions: fear, joy, grief, sadness, brokenness, surrender... It's about how the medical/physical aspects impact my emotions. It's a journey that for me & many other people who suffer from cancer or other illness is unending. It's about how it impacts my family, changes me, & changes my relationships. I think that's the best way for me to say it. I would appreciate input from other Survivors & people who suffer from disease. Is it the same for you?