Wednesday, October 12, 2016

How many of us prefer to cry alone?

It's October, & just about everybody knows it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Some people resent the PINK, & others think it's all about the image of the stores & products that participate. Those who have other cancers aren't jealous. No, they don't want breast cancer, they just can't help but wonder why breast cancer gets so much attention when they are suffering too. As for me, I would be fine if it were just Cancer Awareness Month. All cancers potentially change life. I have dear friends journeying this journey with other terrible cancers.

As far as Breast Cancer goes, I have too many friends with Breast Cancer. The total far outnumbers my friends with other cancers by at least a 3:1 ratio, not including the friends I have made through the support group I attend at the Susan G. Komen Memorial Affiliate. Recently, I opened up my Face Book while sitting in my car alone. Suddenly, there I was sobbing, all by myself. Yes that is how I prefer to sob, all by myself.

I have a friend, a young mom. She has 4 grade school daughters. Her Face Book post was about finding her daughter in her room crying. You see, Mama is having surgery tomorrow. The little girl is filled with fear & anxiety. Mama has Breast Cancer. She has known for about a month, but it took time to put as many pieces of her story together as possible. Her day has finally arrived, & her little girl was crying alone in her bedroom. How many of us prefer to cry alone?

What goes through the minds of those effected by Breast Cancer? Probably very much the same thoughts & feelings that occur with other cancers. Fear & Anxiety are likely the most prevalent feelings. The unknowns & the scary words, big words, strange words, words that sound like foreign language. Confusion is also prevalent. For those of us who don't like to wait, we might as well get over that. Waiting will be a part of the Survivors' life (likely forever). I do not wait well, so this part of the journey is unnerving to me.

Specific to Breast Cancer, concerns about losing a part of our femininity seldom escapes us if we are  women. If we are BrCa positive, it opens up a whole new mess. It means we are a carrier of the Breast Cancer gene. The treatments for Breast Cancer depend on each unique case, how aggressive the cancer is, the size of the tumor, the location, the lymph node count, is the cancer hormone positive, is the tumor incapsulated, …

So many decisions must be made. Double Mastectomy verses Lumpectomy, Chemotherapy, Radiation, the order of these treatments, how to tell our family, our friends, what to tell them, etc. Who will be a caregiver, or will it be a multitude of loved ones? Do I put my life on hold or attempt to carry on as I face this nightmare How will my marriage,  my friendships, my children, my mother, my siblings, my husband be effected? Will my Breast Cancer have a recurrence? What is my rate of Survival?  How am I going to get through this? Should I get a second opinion? Should I go with a Holistic Approach? What about immunotherapy? And… will I lose my HAIR? Will I die.

Tough questions, right? It's only by the GRACE of God that I am a SURVIVOR! Occasionally, 5 years out, I am still thrown curves. All Survivors are, especially in the first year. I discovered new details about my original case 8 months out. New research evolves, & so my plan for survival is adjusted. My Plastic Surgeon thinks I need more reconstructive surgery. So… life goes on (with or without me). My life stoppered on August 14th, 2011. It takes time, will, & grace (God's grace) to learn to live life to the full in spite of circumstances. My life is a testimony to that, especially given the fact that I haven't known a day without anxiety since I was 10 years old.

One last remark…Friends, Prayers, & Loved Ones have carried me through each day of my life since my diagnosis. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

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