Sometimes I hesitate to write a blog & even talk myself out of it. Why? Because my blogs have been known to cause my loved ones too much pain. When I speak of the atrocities of cancer, they think I am suffering. I have suffered in the past from the pangs of cancer, but now I write as a voice for future patients, newly diagnosed cancer patients, & for those with recurrence. Yes, an aggressive case of cancer sticks with you for a lifetime, the scars remain, some mental gymnastics continue to be necessary, & there are always a few scares along the way, but for the most part, I am healed in body & mind (minus my other health issues, Lol).
It has taken time, counseling, friendship, healing, & faith to get to this point, & I realize it could all be snatched out from under me in the blink of an eye, but for today, I am well (both physically & emotionally). Early on, my middle daughter wrote out the words of an old church hymn for me... "Heart of mine own heart, Whatever befall, Still be my vision, O Ruler of all." These are the last 2 lines of "Be Thou My Vision" that my young adult daughter had the wisdom to find in the heart of my crisis. I found these words online. I found them written on a plaque. I displayed them where I could always see them. I wrote them in my mind & in my heart, & I clung to them for dear life.
When a friend or loved one hurts (for whatever reason), I pray for their healing, & I also pray that they will be mindful of God's presence. People generally want a miracle. Who wouldn't? Who really wants to live with the life long fear & impact of cancer? No one. However, I maintain there are worse things that could happen in life: a child being kidnapped, being gassed to death in Syria, & atrocities such as those. Perspective matters.
I believe God's presence in my life is greater than any miracle. His presence can & will sustain me through any nightmare. I may stand in the storms of life, but with God, I will stand. That does not mean my long prayed for miracle will come. It doesn't mean I won't suffer, or even die. It just means that whatever befalls, I will not be alone. It means that if I am taken from this earth, I will be where I am meant to be at long last in Heaven.
God's presence isn't a ticket to a cake walk or an escape from the "things" in life that cause sheer anguish. No, His presence is His grace along with His Holy Spirit (Comforter, Counselor, etc). It means I am not alone whatever befalls, & it keeps my eyes open to more than myself. It keeps God as my Vision, & I believe it reminds me that others are suffering too. Even as I suffer, I need to pray for them & be of comfort. This world is not about lil ol' me. I couldn't be more thankful!