We can kick, scream, & pout.

Today I reach a small goal. It is likely significant only to me. It doesn't even really matter. I'm just stunned that it took me this long. This Blog is #365. When I first began blogging, it was in February 2012 after my double mastectomy. I was so unsure of life at the time. Truth is… I still am. As I began blogging, I found healing. My cancer counselor encouraged me to continue. It was good for me.

Through this Blog, My Journey, I have found release. I have been able to organize my thoughts & better understand my feelings. I have had a few harsh lessons. I've learned only to blog my story, not somebody else's. I've received a few words through the grapevine from people who thought I overstepped my bounds. To them, I apologize. I never meant to grieve you, & I have tried to be conscious of that & not repeat the offense.

My Blog has caused anxiety for some that I love, so I have tried to write about "things" other than cancer (although sometimes I cannot avoid the subject). After all, it is the reason I began this Blog. Originally, I wrote for my daughters. I still do. I want this Blog to be a memoir for them. I lost my Mama's diary in the tornado. That is my saddest, most irreplaceable lost. I wanted my daughter's to have these words in case I wasn't here to say them.

However, I am here. I am more alive than ever. I have a fresh perspective which I love. I never take a day for granted (even the ugly ones). I'm here, & I get to share life with the people I love. I have a new home (since my old one blew away with all my belongings). I have new belongings, & I am thankful for what I have. My beloved pets survived, & they comfort me daily.

Lately I have been dwelling on change. It seems to be a part of many facets of my life. I have had to change, & I have watched others change & not change. I guess the better way to say that is to say resist change. When the wind literally blew in (as it did with Cancer & the Tornado), it gave me no choice but to change.

I never would have chosen these changes on my own. Remember, this Blog is The Journey No One Would Choose. If I could rewind my life 3 years & was offered options…. Well, it's probably best that I didn't have  a choice. To say I would choose this journey is to say that I would choose to see the people I love most suffer. That seems selfish & awful. To say I trust God for His greater good, & that I have found treasures I never would have known, is the truth. I am blessed beyond measure.

One thing I've learned. Change is good. It is a sign of life. It offers a new perspective. Before cancer, I liked my rut. I didn't like change. I didn't embrace it. I let it cause me anxiety, & I allowed my fears to dictate my life. I still have fears, but I find strength in facing them. It is empowering. Not easy, but necessary…

When the winds blow, we can resist. We can kick, scream, & pout. We can hold on to what we've always known to be right, or we can open our minds, self-evaluate, let go of our baggage, & breathe in life. We have 1 life to live, & we can only live our life.