Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my surgery. If you follow me on FB, you may already know that. I have debated on whether to write this blog or not. Why not? It's personal. It's private. I make myself vulnerable & entrust those who read this blog with not judging me for writing it. Why write? Because I try to live as transparently as possible without sharing information that isn't mine to share & without sharing information that would be hurtful to my loved ones. It's a fine line at times. Lastly, why write it? Because it's part of my story. Its part of what fuels my passion for Team Sweet Potatas, & I believe sharing it may somehow help another soul.

So... it's almost 24 hours before my surgery. My nerves have begun to unravel a bit. Still, I think I am doing pretty good for me. What's to fear? This surgery isn't so much about cancer as it is about the lasting effects of cancer treatment. Reality: cancer is always a concern, especially if you are a cancer survivor. Fact: God is bigger than whatever I am told when I awake. He already knows what I will hear. It will be no surprise to Him. As I was praying yesterday in church, I felt as tho' He reassured me that all will be okay. I will hold that close to my heart. He gives me strength.

In my younger years, my prayers were more like begging God that everything would be okay. As I have matured in my faith, I pray more that I will know God's presence, & I thank God that He will be with me whatever I am told. As the Anesthesiologist puts me out tomorrow morning, I will rest in Him. I expect to awake calmly & hear my news. Was the surgery done in the least invasive way as possible? Did the Dr see anything of concern? When will all of my pathology reports be available? What should I expect with my recovery (depending on how the Dr performed the surgery)?

I have prepared myself for this surgery as best I can. It is my choice, but given what I might experience if I don't do it, I have peace that I have made the best decision for my circumstances. I have stocked up on things you stock up on before surgery. I have entrusted my emotions to the Good Lord Above. Those darn emotions can get our of hand. For me, this journey isn't so much about the physical & medical aspects, it's about dealing with my emotions: fear, joy, grief, sadness, brokenness, surrender... It's about how the medical/physical aspects impact my emotions. It's a journey that for me & many other people who suffer from cancer or other illness is unending. It's about how it impacts my family, changes me, & changes my relationships. I think that's the best way for me to say it. I would appreciate input from other Survivors & people who suffer from disease. Is it the same for you?