So... it just happened again. My eyes welled up with tears. That lump, there it was again, in my throat. I wasn't sure I heard the words I thought I heard. But... he continued. "No," I cried inside, "not these words!" When will I stop hearing them? I walked out to my car. I sat in my seat stunned. My husband was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear his words. No, I could only hear the words I didn't want to hear. I could only focus on those awful words. "Why, Lord? Why? I trust your sovereignty, I do. But, why? Why do I keep hearing these words that sting & burn to my very core. "
I don't have any answers to my heartbroken questions. I don't think this side of Heaven I ever will. I love my friends. Each one is so dear to my heart. When my friend hurts, I hurt. That's just who I am. I am unable to dismiss myself from the heartfelt tears my friends cry. It's that "c" word. You know, the one the plaques say cannot steal your faith, rob you of your joy, steal your memories, etc. It's the Little "c." You know, the one that has no power over the Big "C."
Who's trying to kid who? Little "c" does rob you of your joy. It messes with your head. It sits in your throat bigger than the lump that manifests itself in my throat when I cry. It sits on my heart, heavier than the hurt I felt after my double mastectomy. Little "c" knows no bounds. It does not respect age, size, gender, class, smarts, or anything else. Little "c" disturbs faith. Little "c" wreaks havoc on relationships. Little "c" makes pretenders out of people.
Little "c" is random. People try to second guess Little "c," but being unpredictable is part of Little "c's" act. Some people think Little "c" does its damage & walks away, over, forever. That is not usually the case. Little "c" loves to haunt its victims. Little "c" loves to hang around long after the surgery & treatment end.
Once Little "c" makes itself known, confusion follows. Tears well up. The victim is vulnerable. Isolation often ensues. Bewilderment sets in. It's those words. It's that look in the doctor's eyes. It's watching your mate throw up his heart. It's ache. The pain varies from one family member to another, but suffering is the new mode. Nerves are fried like hairs on the head after a bad perm.
So... I heard those painful words again, not for myself but for my friend. I heard those words for a mommy. I heard them for someone near my age. I heard them for my cousin. I heard them for a homemaker. I even heard them for my husband's friend. Those words, those words have taken 2 of my friends. Those words are banging at the door of 2 of my friends now, threatening their lives. I don't like those words. If I never hear them again, that would be too soon. Those words torment. They stain, & they scar.
Written for: My Friend
Monday, November 14, 2016
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
How many of us prefer to cry alone?
It's October, & just about everybody knows it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Some people resent the PINK, & others think it's all about the image of the stores & products that participate. Those who have other cancers aren't jealous. No, they don't want breast cancer, they just can't help but wonder why breast cancer gets so much attention when they are suffering too. As for me, I would be fine if it were just Cancer Awareness Month. All cancers potentially change life. I have dear friends journeying this journey with other terrible cancers.
As far as Breast Cancer goes, I have too many friends with Breast Cancer. The total far outnumbers my friends with other cancers by at least a 3:1 ratio, not including the friends I have made through the support group I attend at the Susan G. Komen Memorial Affiliate. Recently, I opened up my Face Book while sitting in my car alone. Suddenly, there I was sobbing, all by myself. Yes that is how I prefer to sob, all by myself.
I have a friend, a young mom. She has 4 grade school daughters. Her Face Book post was about finding her daughter in her room crying. You see, Mama is having surgery tomorrow. The little girl is filled with fear & anxiety. Mama has Breast Cancer. She has known for about a month, but it took time to put as many pieces of her story together as possible. Her day has finally arrived, & her little girl was crying alone in her bedroom. How many of us prefer to cry alone?
What goes through the minds of those effected by Breast Cancer? Probably very much the same thoughts & feelings that occur with other cancers. Fear & Anxiety are likely the most prevalent feelings. The unknowns & the scary words, big words, strange words, words that sound like foreign language. Confusion is also prevalent. For those of us who don't like to wait, we might as well get over that. Waiting will be a part of the Survivors' life (likely forever). I do not wait well, so this part of the journey is unnerving to me.
Specific to Breast Cancer, concerns about losing a part of our femininity seldom escapes us if we are women. If we are BrCa positive, it opens up a whole new mess. It means we are a carrier of the Breast Cancer gene. The treatments for Breast Cancer depend on each unique case, how aggressive the cancer is, the size of the tumor, the location, the lymph node count, is the cancer hormone positive, is the tumor incapsulated, …
So many decisions must be made. Double Mastectomy verses Lumpectomy, Chemotherapy, Radiation, the order of these treatments, how to tell our family, our friends, what to tell them, etc. Who will be a caregiver, or will it be a multitude of loved ones? Do I put my life on hold or attempt to carry on as I face this nightmare? How will my marriage, my friendships, my children, my mother, my siblings, my husband be effected? Will my Breast Cancer have a recurrence? What is my rate of Survival? How am I going to get through this? Should I get a second opinion? Should I go with a Holistic Approach? What about immunotherapy? And… will I lose my HAIR? Will I die.
Tough questions, right? It's only by the GRACE of God that I am a SURVIVOR! Occasionally, 5 years out, I am still thrown curves. All Survivors are, especially in the first year. I discovered new details about my original case 8 months out. New research evolves, & so my plan for survival is adjusted. My Plastic Surgeon thinks I need more reconstructive surgery. So… life goes on (with or without me). My life stoppered on August 14th, 2011. It takes time, will, & grace (God's grace) to learn to live life to the full in spite of circumstances. My life is a testimony to that, especially given the fact that I haven't known a day without anxiety since I was 10 years old.
One last remark…Friends, Prayers, & Loved Ones have carried me through each day of my life since my diagnosis. Without them, I don't know where I would be.
As far as Breast Cancer goes, I have too many friends with Breast Cancer. The total far outnumbers my friends with other cancers by at least a 3:1 ratio, not including the friends I have made through the support group I attend at the Susan G. Komen Memorial Affiliate. Recently, I opened up my Face Book while sitting in my car alone. Suddenly, there I was sobbing, all by myself. Yes that is how I prefer to sob, all by myself.
I have a friend, a young mom. She has 4 grade school daughters. Her Face Book post was about finding her daughter in her room crying. You see, Mama is having surgery tomorrow. The little girl is filled with fear & anxiety. Mama has Breast Cancer. She has known for about a month, but it took time to put as many pieces of her story together as possible. Her day has finally arrived, & her little girl was crying alone in her bedroom. How many of us prefer to cry alone?
What goes through the minds of those effected by Breast Cancer? Probably very much the same thoughts & feelings that occur with other cancers. Fear & Anxiety are likely the most prevalent feelings. The unknowns & the scary words, big words, strange words, words that sound like foreign language. Confusion is also prevalent. For those of us who don't like to wait, we might as well get over that. Waiting will be a part of the Survivors' life (likely forever). I do not wait well, so this part of the journey is unnerving to me.
Specific to Breast Cancer, concerns about losing a part of our femininity seldom escapes us if we are women. If we are BrCa positive, it opens up a whole new mess. It means we are a carrier of the Breast Cancer gene. The treatments for Breast Cancer depend on each unique case, how aggressive the cancer is, the size of the tumor, the location, the lymph node count, is the cancer hormone positive, is the tumor incapsulated, …
So many decisions must be made. Double Mastectomy verses Lumpectomy, Chemotherapy, Radiation, the order of these treatments, how to tell our family, our friends, what to tell them, etc. Who will be a caregiver, or will it be a multitude of loved ones? Do I put my life on hold or attempt to carry on as I face this nightmare? How will my marriage, my friendships, my children, my mother, my siblings, my husband be effected? Will my Breast Cancer have a recurrence? What is my rate of Survival? How am I going to get through this? Should I get a second opinion? Should I go with a Holistic Approach? What about immunotherapy? And… will I lose my HAIR? Will I die.
Tough questions, right? It's only by the GRACE of God that I am a SURVIVOR! Occasionally, 5 years out, I am still thrown curves. All Survivors are, especially in the first year. I discovered new details about my original case 8 months out. New research evolves, & so my plan for survival is adjusted. My Plastic Surgeon thinks I need more reconstructive surgery. So… life goes on (with or without me). My life stoppered on August 14th, 2011. It takes time, will, & grace (God's grace) to learn to live life to the full in spite of circumstances. My life is a testimony to that, especially given the fact that I haven't known a day without anxiety since I was 10 years old.
One last remark…Friends, Prayers, & Loved Ones have carried me through each day of my life since my diagnosis. Without them, I don't know where I would be.
Monday, October 10, 2016
CAUGHT!
What makes us who we are? Is it the clothes we wear? I know a respected woman who once said that our clothes say much about who we are. Is it what we eat? We've all heard the old adage, "We are what we eat." Perhaps it's who we hang with? Remember teaching our children or being told that we are no better than the company we keep. Maybe it's our career. Clearly, our chosen path is a part of our identity. What about the words that come from our heart?
Hmmnnn… A wise person once wrote , " What overflows in the heart is what comes from the mouth." So if what comes from my mouth reflects what's in my heart, I think my words are a good measure of my heart. In last night's debate, Trump seemed to excuse his lewd remarks at age 59 as "just words, locker room words." When asked if he ever acted on those vulgar words, he replied "no" emphatically. Who, of us, hasn't said words in the past that were regrettable? I don't know a soul on earth that hasn't wished (at least once in their life time) that they could recant their words. We can apologize for our words, but we cannot take them back. We can tell someone we are sorry, but we cannot make that person forget the sting or the damage of our words.
So if we are all guilty of messing up & saying wrong things, why is it so hard to excuse his words that were said over a decade ago? 10 years is a LONG time to hold a person's words over his head. But… as Hillary pointed out, his words do reflect his heart. As we've tuned into his life over the last decade, it seems to repeatedly have issues which prove numerous times that those awful words caught on tape are a problem for him. They are a reflection of something very ugly in his heart.
Now… back to Hillary. What about her character? Well… over the long haul, she seems to have a problem with lying. If she were Pinocchio, just how long would her nose be? She conveniently lies with ease, & I don't believe I have ever heard her apologize for her deceit. She has apologized for some of her actions, but not her deceit. Scary thing is, her deceit is hidden. It takes a whole team, a whole lot of money, & a wealth of time to prove her deceit. The result, she apologizes for what she did, she even refers to it as a mistake, but she never acknowledges her problem with not telling the truth.
Hillary seems to choose her words more carefully than her opponent. She seems more concerned with her image than Trump, but she just cannot seem to get away from her dishonesty. Her actions seem to conflict at times. She has done some wonderful things for children, but in the name of womens' rights, how many children (babies) have been suctioned piece by piece from their mothers' wombs, never seeing the light of day? She says she cares about our soldiers, but how many soldiers lost their lives because at 3am, she did nothing. Her words & actions just don't line up.
So… last night, what would have been the outcome of the debate if the opponents had been hooked up to lie detectors? Would we have even had a debate? Sadly, our presidential candidates both seem to have character flaws that just won't go away. These flaws do reflect their hearts. They cannot hide their flaws because they are a part of their character. You see these flaws show up not only in their words, but in their body language, how they carry themselves, & by what is revealed from behind the scenes. It is devastating for our country, but these flaws cannot be ignored. Yes, to some degree, we have all been guilty of dishonesty & poor choices of words.
However, there is this little God given thing called conscience. How do people live with themselves? How do they look at their reflection in the mirror, evaluate their flaws, face the American people, take each other on with little remorse for their own words & actions? In fact, if not caught, my guess is, there would be no remorse at all. Do either of these candidates genuinely have remorse, or are they just caught?" If a person wants to change his/her flaws, the heart must be examined. The change must be a heart change. As the heart changes, the words & actions change to match the heart. I cannot say I see a heart change in either candidate.
Monday, September 5, 2016
A Right of Passage
Five years ago, I was a different person. In some ways, I was never so vulnerable as I was in September of 2011. I was receiving chemotherapy for breast cancer, but I truly had no idea that my life would be forever changed. I must have had an inkling because when my friend suggested I would find a new normal, I remember thinking, "My life is so far from normal, it will never feel like any kind of normal again." I almost resented her for saying that.
As all cancer patients, I did the only thing I could do; I took one day at a time. I lived in fear. I awakened every morning with a heaviness in my heart & a lump in my throat. It was as if even in my sleep, I couldn't get away from this awful thing that happened to me. My life seemingly came to a halt while the lives of others kept happening. I was consumed by my diagnosis; yet it was surreal at the same time (as if I were looking in the mirror, but I didn't recognize my own reflection). The person I saw in the mirror lived in emotional pain, a pain that would not go away.
As I faced each day, my mind was on overdrive. I remained thankful for the good things in my life, but little did I know the surprises that were waiting around the corner. I remember thinking that if I made it to the 5 year mark, my odds would significantly improve. My rate of recurrence would decrease. BUT research changed that little fact. No longer would that be true. My kind of cancer was removed from that category. My odds would remain the same.
So… here I am at this 5 year mark. Wow! I made it! My odds may not be any better than they were 5 years ago, but I believe my odds are better. It's just a feeling. It has no basis. I just feel like I've made it this far, & I am on a roll. I believe I have much life left to live & live it well. As I mentioned, in spite of my sad state, in spite of the fact that my life had halted, some surprises awaited me. These surprises were not anything I could imagine. I don't know why, but I just had no idea what would come my way & the great impact it would have on me.
God not only allowed me to live, to face a tornado, to lose my beloved mother, to walk this cancer journey which emotionally felt like Hell… He kept me alive & gave me 2 grandchildren. I had no idea the unspeakable joy these 2 little darlings would bring me. I didn't know that they would be my breath of fresh air. I didn't know that my healing would come through their unconditional love. I didn't know that they would be my sunshine. They would be the faces I would picture every time my blood pressure was taken. They would be my escape from that heavy heart & lump in my throat.
So… I made it to my right of passage. I never really imagined I would or wouldn't. I just kept facing each day as I could. I have lost much over the last 5 years, perhaps more than I ever imagined. BUT, in my losses also came my gain. Who knows where I would be if cancer never happened to me? I know my life would be in a different place. I cannot imagine where I would be today without my little grand babies. I think God wrapped them up , one with a satin blue ribbon & the other with pink. They came to my heavy heart labeled "Special Delivery." I am here. I am grateful.
As all cancer patients, I did the only thing I could do; I took one day at a time. I lived in fear. I awakened every morning with a heaviness in my heart & a lump in my throat. It was as if even in my sleep, I couldn't get away from this awful thing that happened to me. My life seemingly came to a halt while the lives of others kept happening. I was consumed by my diagnosis; yet it was surreal at the same time (as if I were looking in the mirror, but I didn't recognize my own reflection). The person I saw in the mirror lived in emotional pain, a pain that would not go away.
As I faced each day, my mind was on overdrive. I remained thankful for the good things in my life, but little did I know the surprises that were waiting around the corner. I remember thinking that if I made it to the 5 year mark, my odds would significantly improve. My rate of recurrence would decrease. BUT research changed that little fact. No longer would that be true. My kind of cancer was removed from that category. My odds would remain the same.
So… here I am at this 5 year mark. Wow! I made it! My odds may not be any better than they were 5 years ago, but I believe my odds are better. It's just a feeling. It has no basis. I just feel like I've made it this far, & I am on a roll. I believe I have much life left to live & live it well. As I mentioned, in spite of my sad state, in spite of the fact that my life had halted, some surprises awaited me. These surprises were not anything I could imagine. I don't know why, but I just had no idea what would come my way & the great impact it would have on me.
God not only allowed me to live, to face a tornado, to lose my beloved mother, to walk this cancer journey which emotionally felt like Hell… He kept me alive & gave me 2 grandchildren. I had no idea the unspeakable joy these 2 little darlings would bring me. I didn't know that they would be my breath of fresh air. I didn't know that my healing would come through their unconditional love. I didn't know that they would be my sunshine. They would be the faces I would picture every time my blood pressure was taken. They would be my escape from that heavy heart & lump in my throat.
So… I made it to my right of passage. I never really imagined I would or wouldn't. I just kept facing each day as I could. I have lost much over the last 5 years, perhaps more than I ever imagined. BUT, in my losses also came my gain. Who knows where I would be if cancer never happened to me? I know my life would be in a different place. I cannot imagine where I would be today without my little grand babies. I think God wrapped them up , one with a satin blue ribbon & the other with pink. They came to my heavy heart labeled "Special Delivery." I am here. I am grateful.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Disappointment
Yesterday was a disappointing day for me. Perhaps I am naive, but I just cannot wrap my head around the ability of a person to repeatedly look another human being in the face & lie. It isn't that I didn't see it coming. I did. It isn't that I was going to vote for her. I was undecided. I have problems embracing her opponent. I can't vote for him either.
She had to know she would get caught. Is she that driven to become president that she had to lie about something that she knew would be found out & made public? There are so many things wrong with this, I can't even… Why does she think she is above the rules other human beings must follow? What else has she so convincingly lied about? Does she truly care about education or anything else she claims? Who the heck knows?
Her character is her problem. I believe she will say whatever she needs to say to accomplish her lifelong goal. And… we must ask? What about her judgement? Her judgement about her private emails, her judgment about thinking she is above the law, her judgement about lying when she knew she'd eventually have to face the consequences of her lies. Her judgement to send classified information through private emails is clearly beyond poor. I'm not the smartest fish in the sea, but I believe even I would have known better.
She put our beautiful country at risk so many times in so many ways on so many levels. Poor judgement. Selfish. Uncaring. Neglectful. Stupid. I am sure my list is incomplete. I have always wondered if her agenda was for her country or herself. Yesterday, that question was answered once & for all, & my suspicions were confirmed.
The next problem occurs because our current president is not only endorsing her, he is campaigning with her & for her. How does he sleep at night? He is no better than she is if he endorses her dishonesty & poor judgement. Is he so personally disgusted with the attacks of her opponent on himself that he can't see beyond that? He is condoning her blatant lies. He is condoning her bad judgement. He is condoning someone who knowingly put our country at risk. What is wrong with him?
Lastly, why does she walk away from this with no penalty? Others in government have rotted in prison for lesser crimes. Yet, she walks away unscathed & continues campaigning that very day. Her character is not unscathed, but many seem to be capable of overlooking that. So what are they voting for? Nobody really knows who she is. Just a bag of lies who will do anything to promote herself. Should someone who puts herself above all others & the laws of the land hold the highest office of the land?
Our country is in a fix! We have 2 candidates with severe character issues. The highest office of the land demands honesty, authenticity, self sacrifice, good judgement, self discipline, humility, someone who doesn't play games with peoples' minds, & an earnest compassion for all people. We need someone who can & will protect the land that we love. As terrorism reaches an all time high in our country, we have no candidate with Godly character & a sound mind. Pray tell, what are we going to do?
She had to know she would get caught. Is she that driven to become president that she had to lie about something that she knew would be found out & made public? There are so many things wrong with this, I can't even… Why does she think she is above the rules other human beings must follow? What else has she so convincingly lied about? Does she truly care about education or anything else she claims? Who the heck knows?
Her character is her problem. I believe she will say whatever she needs to say to accomplish her lifelong goal. And… we must ask? What about her judgement? Her judgement about her private emails, her judgment about thinking she is above the law, her judgement about lying when she knew she'd eventually have to face the consequences of her lies. Her judgement to send classified information through private emails is clearly beyond poor. I'm not the smartest fish in the sea, but I believe even I would have known better.
She put our beautiful country at risk so many times in so many ways on so many levels. Poor judgement. Selfish. Uncaring. Neglectful. Stupid. I am sure my list is incomplete. I have always wondered if her agenda was for her country or herself. Yesterday, that question was answered once & for all, & my suspicions were confirmed.
The next problem occurs because our current president is not only endorsing her, he is campaigning with her & for her. How does he sleep at night? He is no better than she is if he endorses her dishonesty & poor judgement. Is he so personally disgusted with the attacks of her opponent on himself that he can't see beyond that? He is condoning her blatant lies. He is condoning her bad judgement. He is condoning someone who knowingly put our country at risk. What is wrong with him?
Lastly, why does she walk away from this with no penalty? Others in government have rotted in prison for lesser crimes. Yet, she walks away unscathed & continues campaigning that very day. Her character is not unscathed, but many seem to be capable of overlooking that. So what are they voting for? Nobody really knows who she is. Just a bag of lies who will do anything to promote herself. Should someone who puts herself above all others & the laws of the land hold the highest office of the land?
Our country is in a fix! We have 2 candidates with severe character issues. The highest office of the land demands honesty, authenticity, self sacrifice, good judgement, self discipline, humility, someone who doesn't play games with peoples' minds, & an earnest compassion for all people. We need someone who can & will protect the land that we love. As terrorism reaches an all time high in our country, we have no candidate with Godly character & a sound mind. Pray tell, what are we going to do?
Monday, June 13, 2016
In the blink...
What happens in the blink of an eye can become a moment which forever defines a life. A few defining moments took place on June 12, 2016. These moments have already forever changed lives. The impact will ring through the ears of the victims and their family members & friends for eternity. Time froze, & most of us, will never be the same.
As I glued my eyes & heart to CNN, I watched in horror. It was just 7am, & the news I was absorbing was incomprehensible.
"Was it terrorism? Was it a hate crime? Maybe it was both. Well, really... What's the difference? Hate & terrorism are 1 in the same." All of these moments were sad, but for me, the saddest moment involved a young man.
He had blond hair, & he was so choked up, he had trouble getting his words out. He had lost the best friend he ever had. The nightmare began. "Was it the music? No, it was gun shots!" The 2 friends started out the door, one behind the other. The blond guy was first. When he looked
back, his friend wasn't there. "What? Where was he?" Now hours had gone by, & the tearful young man had no word from the best friend he ever had. As he sniffled & cried, he said, "I guess in a situation like this, you do what you have to do?"
But, now he was second guessing himself. "Where was his friend? Why hadn't he heard from him?" He hadn't gotten to the fact that a hate crime had been committed. I'm not sure if he knew the shots came from the gun of a terrorist who was on the FBI Watch List. No... He was just heartbroken & confused.
As I watched him on my TV, I began to tremble. My eyes welled up. I was already shaken from the News. As the day went on, the awful truth slowly began to unravel. TERRORISM. HATE. LGBT. Those were the 3 words I kept hearing. I saw broken, hurting faces. I saw people. I didn't see LGBT. No, I heard TERRORISM. I heard HATE. I saw people who genuinely hurt . These hurting souls I saw may have been LGBT, but not to me. That didn't matter. They were people who hurt just like you & me. They needed comfort, not judgement, not silence... just comfort.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Today...
Today, something beautiful happened! My nephew & his wife had a baby boy. This beautiful lil boy is the fifth great grandchild of my parents. If my parents were alive to see this day, I know they would have overwhelming joy. I am sure they are rejoicing in Heaven. What a legacy! Five precious grandchildren all under the age of three. All because two people fell in love.
I look at the gene pool. It's always amazing to see what traits are passed along through the generations. Some skip a generation while others skip all generations. My parents were a beautiful mix (most days). My mom was a musician, a poet, & an artist. She had pretty blue eyes. She was on the small side. My dad was tall & brawny, at least that's how I saw him as a little girl. He was a teacher. He loved to farm & took great pride in the vegetables he grew. He was a servant & a character. He was an honest man & made my brothers laugh without even trying.
My mother loved being a spur of the moment kind of girl. She loved having friends drop in unannounced. Sitting on her porch was her favorite past time. Her parents were from Georgia, & she loved her heritage. She adored each of her 10 grandchildren & cared very much about watching them grow up. She took time to enjoy each one of them & loved them unconditionally. She had a fun sense of humor & tried not to take life too seriously.
My Dad took us camping. He even chopped the wood. He was a fisherman. He loved a good fish fry & made the best hushpuppies in the state of Illinois. He pounded stakes in the ground to tie up his tomatoes as if he were building a house. He did a lot of things Dad's didn't do in his day. He took his kids to buy the family dog. He took us to the doctor, the dentist, & to buy new shoes. He bought a fresh Christmas tree every year, knowing full well my mom would not be happy with it. Still, he gave it his all, strung up the lights, & then listened to her complain.
As we grew into adulthood & began to have babes of our own, something terribly sad happened. My dad became ill with cancer. I remember one day, my mom sitting in her Sunday School classroom shedding tears because she feared he would not see his grandchildren grow up. He didn't, but in spite of that, his spirit lived on in us, & his impact was huge in their lives.
So… on this very beautiful day, I reminisce. I wonder… "Will this little boy born today be a fisherman? Will he be musical, or perhaps he'll be a farmer?" And, what about my pretty little niece that was born a few weeks ago? "Will she be an artist? Maybe she will be a servant." I hope she has my mother's sense of humor. As I go down the line through each of her grandchildren, it's easy to see how the gene pool of my parents inevitably showed up in each one of them. A promise that it will show up again in this new generation.
The great grand children are all quite small. It's exciting to see their little personalities develop. I see the sparkle in my mother's eyes in the eyes of my grandchildren. I have much hope that her spontaneous spirit & her sense of humor will shine brightly in their lives. My grandson swims like a fish. Once the neighborhood pool opened up for lap swim, my mom swam rain or shine. It's hard to imagine just how this gene pool will show itself, but it will. And, in so doing, my parents legacy will live on in these bright & beautiful great grand children.
I look at the gene pool. It's always amazing to see what traits are passed along through the generations. Some skip a generation while others skip all generations. My parents were a beautiful mix (most days). My mom was a musician, a poet, & an artist. She had pretty blue eyes. She was on the small side. My dad was tall & brawny, at least that's how I saw him as a little girl. He was a teacher. He loved to farm & took great pride in the vegetables he grew. He was a servant & a character. He was an honest man & made my brothers laugh without even trying.
My mother loved being a spur of the moment kind of girl. She loved having friends drop in unannounced. Sitting on her porch was her favorite past time. Her parents were from Georgia, & she loved her heritage. She adored each of her 10 grandchildren & cared very much about watching them grow up. She took time to enjoy each one of them & loved them unconditionally. She had a fun sense of humor & tried not to take life too seriously.
My Dad took us camping. He even chopped the wood. He was a fisherman. He loved a good fish fry & made the best hushpuppies in the state of Illinois. He pounded stakes in the ground to tie up his tomatoes as if he were building a house. He did a lot of things Dad's didn't do in his day. He took his kids to buy the family dog. He took us to the doctor, the dentist, & to buy new shoes. He bought a fresh Christmas tree every year, knowing full well my mom would not be happy with it. Still, he gave it his all, strung up the lights, & then listened to her complain.
As we grew into adulthood & began to have babes of our own, something terribly sad happened. My dad became ill with cancer. I remember one day, my mom sitting in her Sunday School classroom shedding tears because she feared he would not see his grandchildren grow up. He didn't, but in spite of that, his spirit lived on in us, & his impact was huge in their lives.
So… on this very beautiful day, I reminisce. I wonder… "Will this little boy born today be a fisherman? Will he be musical, or perhaps he'll be a farmer?" And, what about my pretty little niece that was born a few weeks ago? "Will she be an artist? Maybe she will be a servant." I hope she has my mother's sense of humor. As I go down the line through each of her grandchildren, it's easy to see how the gene pool of my parents inevitably showed up in each one of them. A promise that it will show up again in this new generation.
The great grand children are all quite small. It's exciting to see their little personalities develop. I see the sparkle in my mother's eyes in the eyes of my grandchildren. I have much hope that her spontaneous spirit & her sense of humor will shine brightly in their lives. My grandson swims like a fish. Once the neighborhood pool opened up for lap swim, my mom swam rain or shine. It's hard to imagine just how this gene pool will show itself, but it will. And, in so doing, my parents legacy will live on in these bright & beautiful great grand children.
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