Monday, January 28, 2013

I have suffered.

I've been writing this blog for over a week in my head. I guess it's time to share my thoughts. I want to say upfront, that I don't have this all figured out. It's food for thought. I'm still processing it & wondering how it will ultimately effect my life...

My church is doing an amazing Bible Study called "The Story." We are studying the Old Testament. There is a pattern in the Old Testament that deals with God's chosen people repeatedly building & worshiping false idols. So I've had my mind on idols lately. Last Sunday I had a lightening bolt moment, a revelation if you will.

Our Pastor said that if you suffer from anxiety & worry, perhaps it's because you have made comfort & security your idol. I have suffered with anxiety & worry for as long as I can remember. They are my lifelong daily companions. I'd like to shake them, but they seem to be a part of me.

When the Pastor made his statement, I immediately began to wonder if I've made comfort & security my idol. This is a whole new way of looking at this dynamic duo for me. Never has it occurred to me that the root of my anxiety & worry is idol worship.

At first I felt relieved because I felt I had gained a new understanding of myself, almost like a missing link. As the week's gone by, however, I have noticed that my anxiety tends to come & go as it pleases, somewhat resembling the blowing of the wind. Yes... it is sometimes provoked by my circumstances, but sometimes, it's just sitting there like a cloud.

So... as I reach inside my soul to try to figure this out, I am torn. I readily admit that comfort & security could be my idol. I love it when my stars are aligned. However, even when my stars are aligned, anxiety can still blow in. When this happens, I don't believe it's because I have made comfort & security my idol.

Lastly, when my circumstances trouble me, I turn them over to God. Almost always, I find peace. Even when I find peace, anxiety will blow in & try to unnerve me. When this happens, I lay my burden back at the feet of Jesus. My peace returns but not without a conscious effort of calling on Jesus.


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