Thursday, September 11, 2014

more thoughts on parenting...

As I spend time in my car, I tend to process many thoughts that run intermittently through my head. Of course, one blog cannot do justice to a lifetime of parenting 3 daughters. I thought I better add a few thoughts that I believe can make a difference in a child's contentment as an adult. I didn't get everything right. Maybe in some peoples' eyes, I totally missed the boat. Regardless of what others think, here's what I got…

TIME  Society & Satan would love for us to believe that it's about quality time, not quantity. WRONG! Children need your time throughout their whole childhood; yes, even more when they are teen agers. After all, if you are not present, how can you have quality time? ACCOUNTABILITY cannot be overrated. A parent always needs to know where their children are & who they are with. They need someone to talk to after school, someone to consistently care about their day. They need an adult present when they host a party. Alcohol should not be an option for a teen party.

PROCESSING all that society, the internet, the media, & peers throw at a  person is not possible for any human being. For a young person, it's confusing & unbearable. A teen's tendency is to turn to their peers to gage where they stand. Are they acceptable? Do they fit in? Are they worthy? Sometimes they just want to figure it out on their own. Problem is… they are incapable.

If your child finds you snooping, you will receive an unimaginable backlash. However, never assume that your teen is okay. Eavesdropping, checking text messages, being a friend on Facebook… All of these things will likely make your teen resent you. However, you have got to keep a close eye on them because our society is full of cutting, suecide, drugs, alcohol, sex, peer pressure, etc. Really, there is nothing new under the sun, but parents are working more, & theses issues are constantly in their child's face.

BUSY BUSY BUSY  Again, Society & Satan shout at us that we need to do this & that. We need well rounded children. How else will that happen if we don't work to afford all of this "mess" & run ourselves ragged? Children need "at home" time, homework time, family time. They need to learn to entertain themselves without the internet constantly at their fingertips. They need to play outside & run barefoot. They need to just "hang out" with friends, neighbors, cousins. They become agitated & programed when they have no down time or not enough time to do the things they have to do. They need to learn to interact as human beings without a text message or Facebook. Talking & playing accomplishes this. DON'T CONSTANTLY RUSH THEM.

Do not be unnecessarily STRICT. It is sure to backfire. The resentment it causes in your children will cause them to sneak around behind your back. Keep the communication lines open. They need to know they can come to you with anything (even if it's ugly). Do not OVER SHELTER/OVERPROTECT your children. Loosen the apron strings a little at a time & reign them back in as needed. Then loosen them again. Go to the ends of the earth for your child. Walk through life with them. As they become interested in PG movies, watch them with them if they are old enough. Talk about the movie afterwards. Process the message.  DON'T SHARE THINGS WITH THEM that they are too young to understand or bear.

LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY. FORGIVE THEM. DON'T OVER PUNISH THEM. DONT'T PURPOSELY EMBARRASS THEM. You will do that without even trying. DON'T CHORE THEM TO DEATH. Have a SENSE of HUMOR. LIGHTEN UP. LAUGH! If they become a target for BULLYING, find a fresh start. DON'T BUY CLOTHES unless you both agree on them. Spend more time LISTENING than talking. CRY with them when they hurt. NURTURE THEM. Put your own SMARTPHONE away. DON'T OVER REACT. Lastly, if you have a HEART ISSUE, get yourself fixed so you can be "there" for them. Childhood is fleeting. SAVOR each moment (the good & the bad). There will be both.




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