Thursday, April 26, 2018

in the quiet

As the day winds down, dusk comes, & the dust settles. My heart begins to quiet as it continues to process the news of the day. I now have a date for my procedures. It is a month away, & I have to be okay with that. It's complicated as it always is for everyone. Nothing is simple in the world of medicine. I have been doing this for 6 years now. It's time I "let go" of the things I cannot control. We don't always get our way in life, & I believe it's important to be a good sport.

So I will wait, & I will apply the things I have learned that make the wait a bit easier. I will keep busy, pray, refocus, focus, listen to uplifting music, live in the moment... I will enjoy my grand babies & plainly do the best I can. It isn't the procedures that bother me. I will be put out. It's waiting for the results that gets me every time. I wish medicine could alleviate the anxiety of waiting, but I will not bank my hopes on that.

As for the procedures. I'll be honest. I don't want them. Many women have said, "Oh, I've had that. It isn't bad."  I'd like to believe them. I do, but we each have our own story, our own baggage, & who knows what the impact will be on me? Will cancer be found? Will lymph nodes be involved? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, what will I do? How will I respond? What am I willing to endure?

There's 2 sides to every health issue, the emotional side & the medical side. Both have a great impact on one's overall well being. There are 2 sides to every doctor, their knowledge, & their bedside manner. Both impact the overall well being of the patient. It's so much to process, so much to think about, so much to put on the back burner & live life to the full regardless of the answers to those questions. And, I suppose there are 2 sides to every patient, the side others see & the side that's tucked away in the quiet of the heart...

It's the place a friend or loved one sees only if invited. I believe it's sacred. It's the innermost part of a human, perhaps it's the soul. The way the soul responds is everything. It determines what the person gives to others, what she shares, perhaps her eternity.  It determines the well being of the person in spite of  her circumstances. It allows the person to say, "It is well with my soul. It is well."

1 comment:

  1. Thinking of you always with prayers and good thoughts. Here is a "morning prayer" my cousin shared one day - I saved it as I like it.

    Take care -
    --------
    Dear Great Spirit,
    You are inside of me, within my very breath,
    within each bird, each mighty mountain.
    Your sweet touch reaches everything and I am well protected.
    Thank you for this beautiful day before me.
    May joy, love, peace and compassion be part of my life and all those around me on this day.
    I am healing and I am healed.

    ~peace~

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