Thursday, April 19, 2018

It's incomplete, but I must share...

Dear Friends (those who care, those who pray, & those who share encouraging words),

I am writing this blog as a letter to you because it is very personal to me as is my gratitude for each of you. I don't have a final answer to my health problems, but because you care, I want you to know what I know. My purpose in writing this blog has always been to increase awareness in others so that they may not be caught off guard if they end up on a journey similar to mine, called LIFE. Of course, you can never prepare yourself for certain types of news (good or bad) or for how you will handle these unpreparable situations in life.

I have good news to share that came in a very round-a-bout way. I won't get into the specifics, but I am thankful God works in mysterious ways. I think it is safe to say at this point that NO CANCER was found. For this I am eternally grateful. I can handle what's next in this department even tho' I don't yet know what that is.  It may take some time to get an answer. You know how doctor's offices work. I admit that I am an impatient person. I like answers. I like to know what's ahead of me so I can prepare my heart & mind. Sad for me & for others out there who are wired like me, but that is NOT how the world works (especially the medical world). There is no way around it. Waiting is hard for many. Some of us are better at this than others. If "practice made perfect," I'd be much better at it!

My oldest daughter pointed out to me when I shared my last blog that I should share the details of what I'm going thru so that others may know & be aware. She thinks that many women would not know to call the doctor if "this" happened to them. For that reason, I have chosen to share. Suffice it to say, sharing the specifics is not within my comfort realm, but I feel lead to do so. It's simple. One day I was having a really good day, spending time with family & grandkids, out & about, enjoying life. When I got home, I noticed (when I went to the bathroom) that I had some spotting. Immediately, my inner alarm sounded. I knew this wasn't good, but I didn't think it merited what followed in the days ahead...

The next step was a pelvic ultrasound. A uterine biopsy followed that. News just came yesterday that no cancer was found. I am so grateful for that news alone & for the person who was willing to give me my results. Being able to breathe that sigh of relief was nothing I would ever take for granted. Plain & simple, I am grateful. The next step may be nothing. It could mean a change in medication, a procedure, or surgery. These options do not induce fear in my soul. I know I can get thru them, & I will. The thoughts of cancer shook me pretty badly. It didn't rattle my faith. I am not afraid of dying. It just took the wind out of my sails. Of course, I began to imagine leaving my grandchildren & how they would be impacted by my passing. My counselor says this is a human response, actually quite normal. Other Survivors have been kind enough to share this path with me. I know the outcome of that, & that scares me for my loved ones. Not that they can't do life without me, I just want to be here to pour into them & share life with them. I believe that is all in God's timing, not mine.

In closing, I can NEVER adequately express the meaning of your kindness in my life. It puts the wind back in my sails. It fills my heart with warmth. It lifts my spirit & assures me that I am not alone. It takes my breath away (but in a good way)! Heartfelt love too all of you. Please know I love to pray for you too!

Love, Susie




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