Baggage

Everybody has baggage. Mine is the gift of anxiety. Yes... my mind gravitates toward anxiety even when it doesn't want to. With medicine, I have less anxiety. I believe I am easier to be around for those who are closest to me (my family, especially my husband).

Baggage takes many forms, especially as it arrives with the person you marry. It could be a lack of role models growing up. It could be a bad temper. It may come in the form of not knowing how to manage money or plan for the future. Baggage may manifest itself in low self-esteem, an addiction, poor relational skills, a disability,  or an illness. Baggage can cause a person to be too controlling, less communicative, or less affectionate. It could cause apathy or the inability to function, to handle stress. It might make it hard for a person to trust others or make him/her too trusting. It can make a person crave attention or desire to be a wall flower.  It may cause barriers or even a lack of boundaries.

Fact is... we all have baggage. The question is... are we willing to deal with it? First, we must humble ourselves enough to acknowledge our baggage. Next we must decide if we like our baggage & the effect it has on ourselves & those we love. What's the trade off?  What do we lose or gain if we trade in our baggage for wholeness?

I've pretty much carried my baggage around for a life time. It's a paradox because a person who trusts in God really shouldn't be a worrier, right? I've been told that more than a few times & even criticized for it. After all, if one trusts in God, why worry about tomorrow?

Here's the other side of the coin... I believe God knit me together from the very start. I believe He wired my brain & my chemistry to work just the way it does. I also believe that my anxiety is not lack of faith or trust in God. Looking back, I think my anxiety has strengthened my faith & given me more reason to trust in Christ.  It's given me lots of practice over the years to draw close to God & seek His comfort.  Believe me, it's not easy living with the constant companion of anxiety every day of my life.

As I journey through my current predicament, I can honestly say, "Things are out of my control." I have no choice but to surrender my life & my loved ones to God. Holding on just doesn't work for me at this stage in my life.  Please don't misunderstand me. By surrendering, I don't mean I am giving up. I am trusting God for the outcome.  I am giving my all to fight this fight.  I know He has the whole picture (as I've said before), & I know He will comfort my loved ones throughout this journey.

So how does baggage become a gift? As we acknowledge & begin to hand it over to God, we begin to grow & become more whole & less selfish. As we look back, we begin to see that our baggage made us depend on God. In & of ourselves, it's hard to change the way we are wired or some of the circumstances life has dealt us. However, as we openly admit our trials, I believe the healing begins.