It was a Sunday night in August, the 14th, the day my husband kissed me goodnight. With his hand on my heart, he said,"What is this?" Immediately hot flashes surged through my body. I figured it was a pocket on my pajamas, a seam. Problem was, my pajamas had no pocket. Next, I reasoned it must be a cyst. By Thursday, I knew it was a tumor, fast growing, in at least one lymph node, ... I would be starting chemo soon, then surgery, & possibly radiation. My head was spinning. I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't even converse with my friends. I was in shock & truthfully, I remain in shock.
Others may wonder why I have decided to blog about my journey that I am quite sure no one would choose. I believe in living my life as an open book. I hope that others will sense that I have a peace which only comes from having a relationship with Christ. If it weren't for Him, I don't believe I could walk this walk. If it weren't for my family, I don't know if I could walk this walk. My husband & my 3 daughters & 2 son-in-laws have loved me each day of this journey. It is heartbreaking to watch your family suffer with you (because of you), but it is healing to feel loved beyond expectations. Lastly, I am grateful for the many people praying on my behalf. I attribute the peace that carries me through each day to my faithful prayer team.
I have successfully completed all 6 chemo treatments. I have lost my hair, & my nails aren't looking too good. My muscles are very weak, & my hands don't work so good. Going up steps is difficult for me. On Feb 6, I am having a double mastectomy & likely a complete lymph node dissection. If the cancer is found in more lymph nodes (highly possible), it could make my prognosis worse. My biggest fear right now is waking up from surgery & finding out the lymph node count. I have always wondered how people bear such news.
I don't ask "why" because "why not?" No one is exempt from suffering, tragedy, ... Many people I know & have heard about, experience so much worse in life. This is definitely not the worst thing that could happen in life. Sometimes I ask, "How did this happen?" My mammogram just 7 months earlier was clear. Sometimes, I still feel shocked & horrified. But then... I come to my senses. I find my peace again, & I remind myself that God has the whole picture. I don't. I know He holds me in the palm of His hand & that is where I rest...
May God Bless you Susie Brown and keep you safe in His care!
ReplyDeleteBeth
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ReplyDeleteSusie, not only do you have your close family there in Illinois, but remember you have your cousins in Georgia that truly hold you and your family very close. Though we don't speak every day, we keep in touch somehow and we all say a silent prayer that everything will be fine.
ReplyDeleteReading it I gasped, and realizing our sweet Susie is reliving this again by writing and thinking about it. And I am wishing this was a long ago memory and long gone. Your strength, high spirits, and faith gives everyone hope and a bright new outlook on life. We love you Susie and hope the very best in your next journey! "God Bless You".
ReplyDeleteRhonda
We found out Friday that my grandma has breast cancer and she is still waiting to hear the results of a lymph node biopsy. She has to make an appointment with a surgeon this next week. Looks like we will be taking a journey similar to yours.
ReplyDeleteYour courage, grace, and faith show me how i want to live my life. I love you and am praying for you daily.
ReplyDeleteSusie, I am praying for you and your family. I am truly inspired by you.
ReplyDeleteSus, your courage to share your story is so inspiring and will most definitely help someone else walking this uncertain journey.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of your unshakable faith, strength, and grace. You are an amazing woman of God and I am honored to call you my friend!
I love you so very much and pray for you daily!
what a journey you are embarking on. It's hard to share your story while you are in the pain, but God uses it bless people you might not even know, like me! :) I can tell you the last statement with surety- because I am living through chronic pain and health problems (none life threatening) and I've started blogging about it. It's changing my life and blessing me. God is good. Praying for you today.
ReplyDeleteThank-you for being so transparent. I've seen so much cancer in the lives of people around me, including my husband. Your honesty, and above all else, your faith, is reaching, and touching so many. We are awed, and truly inspired.<3
ReplyDeleteSweet, sweet, Susie! Thank you for your courage and strength. Your journey lived in front of all of us is an example of grace and peace in midst of one of the toughest storms any of us will ever endure. I'm so privileged to know you and pray for you!
ReplyDeleteSusie~ The way you let God's love and grace shine through you is such a blessing to all of us, your family and friends. You are always in my prayers and I will do what ever I can to help you along on your journey. God Bless You! Carol Schneider
ReplyDeleteSusie,I have always admired your sweet spirit.I pray the Lord will continue to uplift in this time of unknown circumstances.Your faith inspires many people.Praying for you Susie.
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