I was bare to the world.

A year ago today marks my 50th birthday. I will always remember this particular birthday. My skin was beginning to break down from radiation. My dear friend took me for more radiation followed by our traditional celebration of my birthday at Red Lobster. Radiation had been a difficult leg of my journey. My skin had severe issues, & I found it to be demoralizing. 30 minutes every day on the radiation table was a lonely, scary time for me.

I was in an awkward position. I was bare to the world. I never knew what or when they were doing things to me. I couldn't budge an inch to look, & my head faced the opposite direction of the door to the room. Sometimes I got a nice warm rag upon my chest. Other times, it was a bit chilly. I knew I was displayed on a TV screen for all the world to see me in my glory. Actually, it was just for the nurses, but to me... it felt like the world.

I felt so alone. But then... things changed. I began to pray through the alphabet while I went through each treatment. My dear friend, Michelle, said that's what she did. This experience was life changing for me. I met God in a new way. I learned that He was with me, & His grace truly was sufficient. He met me in my darkest hour, & He stayed with me. By the end of radiation, I actually looked forward to this painful quietness because I had a half hour uninterrupted date with the only One who can meet my only real need.

As I turned 50, I didn't want a celebration (just something simple with my immediate family). I was in a very childish state of mind, & I begged my husband for a cat. Prior to this birthday, we had an agreement that we were not going to have any more cats. Our last one had passed on, our kids were grown, & we didn't need a cat. However, I suddenly had this deep yearning for a cat. Finally, my husband gave into me. He gave me Bella!

Bella is so much more than a cat. She represents my husbands compassion & love for me at a time when I was in need. She represents his soft heart, & the fact that he cares more about me than himself. She is a precious cat. Her personality is so big. She comforts me & helps me sleep. She & Otis are my therapy. They enrich my life & make my house a home (especially since my girls are all grown up).

So... as I look back over this past year, I am in awe! I remember the radiology techs singing Happy Birthday to me as I stood near the radiation table wrapped up in a hospital gown completely stunned. I didn't know they cared enough to bring such joy to me on that day. I was touched. Since that day, God has blessed me with my first grandchild soon to be delivered. That's even better than a cat. How bout that!

This year has been a year of healing in every way possible. It has been a year of so much joy. Yes, it's had its scares & its hardships, but I have personally been filled & fulfilled with more than I could ever imagine. God has shown Himself to me over & over. He has given me new opportunities which make me feel alive. In spite of the fact that I truly believe I have forever lost bits & pieces of my brain, He still uses me. That is truly the best part of being me.