This morning I was watching The Today Show (not a part of my normal routine, but I am taking it easy due to a head cold). A young woman caught my interest. She was in her under garments sitting in a circle with other women wearing nothing but undergarments. Some were sporting spanx. These women were a variety of shapes, sizes, & ages. The point was... "You have to love what's under the dress, before you can feel good in the dress."
This hits home with me because it's something I have always struggled with. My husband sees it as a spiritual illness, & as much as I didn't want to hear that at first, I have come to agree with his diagnosis. I have reason to be unhappy with my body. After all, I am a breast cancer survivor. I have had a double mastectomy, implants, reconstruction, & more reconstruction. I have scars to prove it, & a few heart stopping memories too, but that isn't what bothers me.
My worth has never come from my appearance. If you know me, I am not a glamorous person. I like the simple. I wear very little make-up. I never learned how to put it on, & so I gave it up long ago. I lost my hair (my defining feature) due to chemo. It's grown back in full, & I love my new hair. It's short, & dangly earrings are fun. Simple, for me, is best.
Even though my appearance isn't my all in all, I am still vain. I like to keep my weight in a certain range. Now... on Tomoxifen (& other medications), that's becoming increasingly difficult. I've talked to a few of my doctors about it & even gone back to my nutritionist. Even though I understand what is happening to me, I am still bothered by the reality of it.
I work hard to find clothes that make me feel adequate. My daughter reminds me to just be thankful I am alive. I am. My family encourages me, & anything I feel, is truly a result of my own baggage. No body has ever said anything to make me feel bad. So... as I was watching The Today Show, I liked what I heard..."You have to love what's under the dress."
We all have different issues, & we all want to be healthy. I have found experts that say "eating clean" is the only way to go. I have found experts who say eating real food is best, but a cheat now & then is okay. And... of course, the gamut runs all the way to those who say "Everything in moderation" to those who swear that processed food is just as good for you as the non processed & even disregard the effects of artificial sweetener & such.
It's all very confusing & tedious to me. It, frankly, wears me out. It burdens me. My Nutritionist assured me that it's okay to eat a few chocolate chip cookies a day. My GI said that you get more value out of sharing an ice-cream with a friend than you do from eating clean constantly. My son-in-law knows a nutritionist that goes by an 80/20 rule. 80% of what you eat needs to be healthy. My Oncologist says everything (even protein) eventually breaks down to sugar. My GP says that studies show that if you cheat now & then, you stand a better overall chance to stay the course of a healthy diet in the longterm.
Here's what my experience tells me (& I can only speak for myself). I need to strive to be healthy. I need to eat healthy, real food, but I don't have to be perfect. If an opportunity comes my way, seize it! As I was meandering in & out of stores this past weekend with 2 of my friends, I experienced 2 of my happiest moments of the weekend. First, we visited my favorite candy shop. My friend ordered chewy caramel fudge. She asked the clerk to cut it into bite sized pieces. It was the best, most fun fudge I ever ate.
Lastly, we stumbled into a cupcake bakery. I ordered a white chocolate cupcake . We cut it into thirds & ooooohed & ahhhhed as we tasted perhaps one of the best things we'd ever eaten. Yes... we felt naughty, but we also felt alive. One of my dearest friends just lost her husband to cancer. She is a very intelligent person & knows so much about nutrition. She lovingly shared with me that she wishes she would have worried less about her husband's nutrition when he was here & just enjoyed being with him.
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