My SadOldHome

Yesterday morning I showed up at my SadOldHome to see the adjuster. I don't think he was happy to see me. I questioned him about a few things & basically felt like an intruder. I told him I was losing hope in his company, & he said he was offended. I asked him if he were in my shoes, how would he feel? "Well.." he said,"If I were in your shoes, & didn't know all the people who were working behind the scenes on this case, I would probably feel the same way."

I was disheartened to find out that our case will now go back to management, & it will likely be another few weeks before we have an answer. I'm sure this man who was only doing his job knew I was on the verge of tears. I excused myself, went out to may car, called my husband who excused himself from a meeting, & listened to my discouragement. Ugh!  I let that feeling of helplessness momentarily overtook my soul.

I let my husband get back to work & began to console myself. Deep in my heart, I know that we are okay. I know that a few weeks in the whole picture will be a small stretch when we are nearing the end of this long process. I am ashamed of myself for comparing our situation to our neighbors because, well... comparing isn't really healthy.

I don't know what I was expecting to feel after my drop-in visit, but I was overcome with a temporary loss of hope for our home. This process doesn't make sense to me, & I believe this man thought I was clueless. I, on the other hand, just wanted him to walk in my shoes (at least in thought). As I walked through my rubble, I relived moments that took place in my once HomeSweetHome. The whole thing just baffles my mind.

My home really isn't safe to walk through anymore. The ceiling continues to fall throughout the kitchen & in both staircases. As the adjuster said, "The dry wall is absorbing water like a sponge." Scary, isn't it? On the flip side, we are settled in our temporary home. We really couldn't ask for more. Our needs are met & then some. The less time I spend in my SadOldHome, the less I dwell on its history, the less I live in a helpless state, the less precious memories I painfully relive.

It's hard to move forward when you are in limbo. On the other hand, it's easy for me to embrace life. It's easy for me to think about my grandchildren & dote on them. It's fun to think about my small group reuniting soon. I enjoy dreaming about my new home & how we will enjoy life together. It's fun to imagine my family gatherings with our 2 littlest & greatest blessings of all, our precious grandchildren.