Why me, God?

It's that time of year again. Yes… I am grateful to be alive, another year older, none the wiser, but simply enjoying life to the full! Each day, whether it's a good day or a bad day (which are few), I am thankful just to be here. When my children call me with a concern, I may not have the answer, but still I am here. When I fall flat on my face, & my husband picks me up off the floor, I may be crying, but I am here.

My house may have blown away in November, but I can only be thankful I was here to walk through the rubble hand in hand with my husband. Imagine if he had walked alone? A year ago today, 2 little people in my life had not been born. Yes…God has given me 2 of the sweetest little beings to adore & love each day. Why me, God? Thank you.

God allowed me to be by my mother's bedside for nine days before she passed into Heaven. I wasn't with her when she slipped away, but I got to witness such miraculous moments of healing within her. I got to share so many precious moments. I got to hold her hand, wipe her brow, & whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Why me, God? Thank you.

I believe God has given me a journey that sometimes frightens me. Sometimes I freak myself out. I am not sure why He chose me for this journey, this gift. I only know I am supposed to share it. I don't always understand that either, but I like being transparent. Sometimes I have to face things I'd rather not think about. Sometimes I am haunted by my fears.

Sometimes I hurt. That's kind of a new thing. Long term effects of chemo plus other issues are doing a number on me. Since the tornado, I've had to add a few meds. I don't know if I like that, but I have to sleep. My faith is deep, but still I fight anxiety. Oh how I wish it would leave me alone. No… it's my constant companion.

Recently, I stepped into the most caring facility I have ever known. It has a STAR program for Cancer Survivors. I have never had so many professionals treat me with such compassion & concern. They have evaluated me from head to toe. I don't think they can fix me from top to bottom, but they are helping  me. They are equipped to deal with many issues faced by Cancer Survivors. It's IPMR. Why me, God? Thank you.

Tomorrow, I celebrate another birthday. I have a loving husband who dotes on me. We came home from a wonderful marriage retreat, & that very night, I fell. As he helped me up, we had no idea, I would be in for another round of healing. He has waited on me in a way that's new to both of us. I can't quite put it into words. I feel bad that he has to care for me so much. At the same time, I am both humbled & honored. Why me, God? Thank you.