BitterSweet

Yesterday was bittersweet. I had my last treatment. Wow! To think how far I've come in a year! When I think back, I am so thankful to be in the place I am now. I still have a few surgeries left, but nothing major. A year ago, we were planning a wedding, looking forward to Christmas, having chemo, trying to make an overwhelming decision about surgery, & awaiting many unanswered questions.

I felt like a ballon without any air. I tolerated chemo very well for the most part, just got a bit weak. It was about this time, we shaved my head. I remember it distinctly & always will. I remember the relief that followed when my family told me I had a pretty head. We didn't really shed any tears. We just got the job done.

I think I lived in shock for most of the year. I just couldn't believe what had happened to me, kind of an outer body experience. In a strange sense, I feel very honored to have walked this walk. As I said, it's a journey no one would chose, not me, not even now. But... God has given me depth through it all, & for that, I am thankful. Now... I have to remind myself to pick up the pace. I am well & striving for a full recovery.

Today is bittersweet because as I finish my treatments, one of my heroes has been admitted to the hospital. Her cancer has spread, & she is in pain. She is young & beautiful. She is faithful. She has a husband & 2 young children. It just doesn't seem fair. I know she has pondered such news for years, but still, I think she must be in shock.

I have never taken news like this well, & I've only found it harder as I've survived this past year. It weighs heavily on my heart, & I dwell on it. I pray for her constantly. I pray for a miracle. I pray that she will know God's presence. That's the only thing I am sure of. I pray that she will be relieved of her suffering. I pray for her beloved husband & her 2 sweet children. It isn't fair. I pray for her parents & her sisters. They are all on this journey together. It isn't fair.

There are no earthly answers to my questions. I've only known her a short time. Yet, she stole my heart from the start. She came to minister to me, to tell me that this would just be a chapter in my life (even though she knew her's was more). It isn't fair.