False Security...

This morning I finally got up after a long somewhat sleepless night. What's bothering me? I don't really know, & such is a life with anxiety. At least I am able to recognize the tide that rolls in without an invitation. Some of my old fears have creeped under my skin, just deep enough to eat at me. At first glance, it panics me. Then... after a little processing, I realize I've once again allowed a false security to lure me into its trap. I don't want to live like this. No... I don't.

I want to place myself in the ONLY security that's real, my Father in Heaven. Sometimes, I think we think we can beat death. We can eat the right foods, give up all our vices, live a clean life, exercise... or at least we can avoid bringing disease on ourselves if we do our best to care for our bodies in a healthy manner. I'd like to believe in these theories, & I do. However, doing the right thing (whatever it is) does not guarantee anything but a false security & a peace of mind that we have done our best.

Disease can still take hold of our bodies when we least expect it. It did me on more than one occasion in more than one way. I don't begrudge the diseases I have because they make me a better person. They give me the ability to see life from a deeper perspective. But... I'm not gonna lie. They do heap anxiety on top of the anxiety I already own. They cause me to evaluate my life, my motivation, my trust, my joy, my fear, my reality...

Actually, I have escaped this routine for a few months. Unusual for me. However, for some odd reason, last night I felt the winds begin to change. I felt the tide rolling in. So, I go back to the ONLY REAL thing I know, my faith. I remind myself that my days are numbered (as are everybody's). This brings me great peace because I know nothing will come my way that God hasn't at the very least, allowed.

I know He will not allow me to be taken until it is my time. Why? Because "the Lord gives, & the Lord takes." He has the whole picture, & I must "walk by faith not by sight." After all, my sight is not 20/20. His is. I only see a poor reflection (as if looking in a mirror). He has the whole picture. He designed my life, & He owns it, not me. So, on this Thursday morning, I place myself back in the palm of God's hand, my ONLY REAL security. There, I will rest.