Sunday, October 7, 2012

Sometimes I feel guilty...

For 25 years, my family attended a church in which we were very active. We loved our little church & gave our hearts, our souls, & our lives in service. Sundays were anything but restful, but what we did, we did in the name of the Lord. Sunday was the most important day of my week (as a youth leader). I spent my whole week planning for Sunday evening. I figured the kids who came were giving me an opportunity to impact their lives. It wasn't about me. It was about God. It was about teenagers.

As I've said before, this 8 year period of my life (next to raising 3 daughters), was the most fulfilling time of my life. It was exhausting. I was always on call, & I never knew what was coming my way. Prior to this calling, I didn't even know that I liked teens or that I could speak into a microphone. God truly calls the unqualified & qualifies the called. That's the beauty of it all, & the way in which His glory shines fully.

In time, through some sad events & life changes, God saw fit to call me out of this ministry & even to a new church home. One of the hardest things we ever did was leave this church. After all, we'd raised our children there & attended for 25 years. It seemed unbelievable to me that this was happening. Even now, it baffles me.

Fast forward 4 years... it took us a year to find a church. Once we attended our new church home, we never felt a need to look any farther. Just as we planted ourselves there & began to make a few friends, I was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, our church life, along with every part of our lives, came to a screeching halt. We had hopes to serve, but they would be put on hold.

So... finally, we are ready to serve again. It doesn't seem like we are doing much compared to the first 25 years of our marriage. Sundays are different now. They are peaceful, nourishing, & loving. We feel uplifted when we leave church. We never leave without a treasure, a thought to ponder, to make us deeper, more thoughtful human beings. Sometimes I even feel guilty for the joy I find in this church.

People are not judged in this church. In fact, they belong even before they become a member. This church reaches beyond its walls into the community, but at the same time, it loves on its congregation. The Bible stresses that the way we treat each other is significant because others notice. I marvel at the truth in this reality. We have 4 pastors from 4 different backgrounds that truly love each other.

Over the past year, even through irregular attendance due to illness, this church somehow found a way to minister to me. It might have been in simple ways, but I felt so prayed for & loved. My service seems so small, none the less, it feels beautiful. To be able to greet people, help a friend, lead a small group... It's a privilege & an honor.


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