70 X 7

Today I received a message from a dear friend which triggered some sad memories of a few years past. It was a time when I didn't see something coming, & I overestimated the power of friendship. I was the recipient of cruelty. As a result, many others were hurt too. I have spent many moments trying to make sense of this whole calamity. I don't believe I will ever understand it this side of Heaven.

I share this today because it is on my mind, & because I think there is a reason forgiveness is listed so many times in the Bible. It says we are to forgive 70 X 7. It doesn't say to forgive only if we receive an apology. The Bible says we will be forgiven as we forgive others. Jesus died on the cross so I might be forgiven.

What happens when we fail to forgive? Truth is... we remain tied to the offender through bitterness. We are commanded to forgive even when it is difficult. After all, if it were easy, it wouldn't be mentioned so many times in the Bible. Failing to forgive only eats us alive from the inside out.

So now... I must ask myself... Have I truly forgiven even though flashbacks still hurt? I have come to the conclusion over the years that only God can truly give us a clean slate. He sees us through His precious son, & in His eyes we can be free from blemish. As humans, we do not have the capability to forget. If we could forget, forgiveness would be so much easier.

I don't expect to forget traumatic experiences in my life. My hope is that through the healing hand of God, I can forgive, love, & take the next step. I don't want to be tied to anyone through bitterness. I already live with the gnawing feelings caused by anxiety. I don't want to acquire any more negative feelings that my mind & heart will have to process.