Sustenance.

Recently, I made a statement in my blog  just. go. away.  I feel it could use a little explanation. I was talking about miracles and the fact that we don't always get the miracle for which we hope. I went on to say that God's presence is greater than any miracle. It trumps all to be loved by my Heavenly Father & to know His presence...

I was thinking about this & wondering what my blog followers felt or thought when they read it. A year ago, I don't believe I would have made such a statement. We all want a miracle. When I had my healing service last October, the Pastor asked me in front of my loved ones if I thought God would heal me. My answer was simple but truthful. I said I didn't know. I knew I would be healed; I just didn't know on which side of Heaven my healing would occur.

Some people might think I lack faith for not believing God would heal me of cancer. Truth is... I don't know if He would be more glorified in my living or dying. I had not received any message from Him. I had not heard His still small voice. I hadn't found such an answer in scripture or through prayer or from a loved one. Honestly, it hadn't occurred to me to ask God if He would heal me.

Now... 1 year later, I still have not asked God that question. My husband lays his hand on me & prays for my healing every night. I hope God heals me, so... together, my husband & I can grow old & love our grandchildren. I would love to be there for my daughters. Daily, I have to remind myself that nothing will come my way that hasn't been allowed by my Heavenly Father.

Back to the statement I made at the beginning of this blog. I want my readers to understand why God's presence is greater than any miracle. What I've been thinking lately is that there could be people reading my blog, truly beautiful people, that do not know God's presence.  How do I explain God's presence?

When I am at my lowest, in my darkest moments, I cry out to God. I know He hears my cry because through His grace, through His Holy Spirit, He never fails to comfort me. I usually hear His still small voice, & it's usually just a few words of comfort. Early on in this journey, I could not sleep at all. I had that climb the wall feeling. I was tormented. God revealed to me that His grace was sufficient. He would get me through each moment.

When desperation took over during radiation, again I felt tormented, I turned to Him, & He stayed with me through each treatment. I prayed constantly, & He comforted me. By the end of 6 weeks of radiation, 5 days a week, 30 minutes a day, I was miserable. I was in pain just lying in the proper position. My skin oozed, & I cried a lot. BUT... I still looked forward to my guaranteed 30 minutes with God. He showed up for every treatment & gave me the grace to Be still (literally) & know that He is God.

So... if God wills for me to be healed, I trust that He will heal me. However, being healed is not a license for a carefree life free from suffering. Heaven is. I know that whether I am healed or not, I will have hardships in my life. My hardships will be painful, & without God, I won't make it through them. However, if I know God's presence... If I am able to recognize His still small voice, I will always have Him to sustain me through whatever comes my way.