Baffled...

I have to say... I am baffled by this journey. My emotions just don't seem to stabilize. I've always been an incredibly sensitive person, but I'm afraid my sensitivity gage has reached an all new high. Yes it's true, it could be the side effects of my medications; it could be all I've endured. Maybe it's the unknowns. Perhaps it's the curves that continue to come my way. Possibly it's the loss of me, & I am grieving, or maybe my loved ones grieve. Watching the toll this disease takes on my loved ones remains the hardest part of this journey. I can deal with my own suffering, but I'd prefer it not have to affect the ones I love.

Sometimes I come face to face with things that break my heart (as a result of my health). Of course, I'm only human, & I'm no psychologist. Now & then, I find my self totally befuddled, thinking..."I really don't have an answer for what just slapped me in the face." As I travel these unknown territories, I seek comfort in the only place I can actually be completely comforted, God's arms.

I have a new pink Bible. It is so pretty, & it has devotions in it just for women walking in my footsteps. The leather cover is soft, & the pages are smooth. In this Bible, I seek comfort. I read letters written by other women who are broken in the same way I am shattered. I look up scriptures, & I find comfort. I read words like, "Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live." Psalm 116:2

I remember when my mother-in-law was passing into Heaven.  Her most earthly comfort seemed to be her precious daughter. When her daughter leaned over her bed & whispered sweetness  into her heart, my mother-in-law turned to her like a flower towards the sun. I remember reading a scripture about the shepherd & the sheep. I never realized until recently that the sheep learned to recognize their shepherd's voice. I felt affirmed in knowing that I can hear my Father's voice. He wants to comfort me. Today, I realize He not only wants to comfort me, He has His ear turned to me. My mother-in-law gave me the perfect picture as she turned toward her daughter in her last days on earth. God's ear is turned toward me, waiting for me to cry on His shoulder.