Today I am at The Illinois Cancer Center having a Herceptin treatment, something I will be doing every 3 weeks for the next 7 months. Herceptin is prescribed because my cancer is HER2/neu+ ( fast growing). You would think I would just want this chapter of my life closed, to be forever done with The Illinois Cancer Center. However, the opposite is true.
Before I came to The Illinois Cancer Center, I feared it. When I used to drive past it (long before it would save my life), I would see the sign The Illinois Cancer Center, and I would think, "What an awful name for a place that helps people." I always hated the word CANCER, & I certainly never wanted it to take up permanent residence in my life.
The first time I came here was to meet one of my new doctors, my oncologist. That's another person I never wanted in my life, an oncologist. When I was newly diagnosed, I couldn't even tell people I had cancer. I did every thing I could to avoid that word. I used phrases like when I became ill & when I got sick. Facing this disease is the hardest thing I've ever been called to do.
So... today as I sit here peacefully receiving my treatment, I can't help but reminisce in my head. I have been through 6 chemo therapy treatments, a double mastectomy, a lymph node dissection, & several other procedures/tests. There really is no end in sight, maybe a few small respites. The Illinois Cancer Center is a part of my life.
In addition to my treatments/tests/procedures, I have experienced remarkable "things" in this house of fear. I have an Oncologist who hugs me. She remembers my sorrows & even cares enough to ask specifically about each concern. I have listened to other patients sharing my hardships. They have the same issues but still find joy in life. I have 2 nurses that call me by name & never pass without a hug. "Sam," "Lucy," "Max," & "Chief" are my new friends. These therapy dogs have cheered me through my treatments. I have cried there & been comforted.
I no longer hate the word CANCER. I don't fear The Illinois Cancer Center, in fact I see it as my safe haven. I know that even though I would not choose to be a cancer patient, I will find compassion, strength, & inspiration there. I find treatment & HOPE in this place that once caused me to cringe as I looked from afar. My life has been enriched because my fear has been stripped away by kindness.
Susie every time we pass the Illinois Cancer Center my dear husband waves from the car. At first it's scary, then it becomes familiar. Although for us it's now been five years, and our last visit there will be in April. Yes, we will celebrate that we no longer need to go in for further testing, but, at the same time we will feel a sense of uncertainty without those regular visits that have always calmed those quiet fears. But once again, we learn to replace those hidden, and sometimes unspoken fears, with FAITH.
ReplyDeleteYour words touch, and inspire.