Lesser of 2 Evils

When you are a cancer patient, you begin to understand that there are 2 evils: one being your cancer, & the other your treatment. Once you receive your diagnosis & begin to learn your treatment options, you have a choice. Die from the cancer or go with the treatment. If you live through the side effects, perhaps you'll be a survivor.

When your side effects are presented to you, it's like watching one of those TV commercials for a new medication on the market. Once you hear all of the side effects, you look at your spouse & say, "Why in the world would anyone take that drug?"  BUT... when you are a cancer patient, if you look at your doctor and say, "I'm not sure I want to do that."  The answer is, "You will not live long if you don't. Believe me... this drug has saved so many lives. Never mind that it may cause another form of cancer."

These side effects have different levels of toxicity. The list ranges from headaches, itching, neuropathy, flu like symptoms, blood clots, cancer, to death. It sometimes takes me a few days to process new information. Sometimes I grieve my loss and wonder how on earth my treatment could be as bad if not worse than my illness. In fact, I didn't feel sick until I began treatment. My cancer was a silent killer.

Today I went to see the plastic surgeon, & he ended up performing an unexpected in office surgery on me. All the while, my husband watched, & I took the opportunity to chat with my beloved doctor. He sewed me back up, & I was as good as new, my new normal that is...  I thanked him, & we left his office feeling blessed to have another issue hopefully resolved.

Today I have a feeling that I have not yet experienced on this journey. I can't believe it, & I am almost afraid to say it. Perhaps it won't last. I told my friend about it on the phone, & she said I should claim it for today. So... that is what I am going to do....

I am thanking God for this journey. I am not just thanking Him; I am feeling it. I have met truly amazing people that I am only beginning to know. I have been placed in a spot I would otherwise never know. I have not spent one day alone on this journey; I've felt God's presence from the moment fear ran through every fiber of my being. I am learning to depend on Him in a whole new way. I am walking a new journey with my family & friends. Maybe God will use me to touch others. That would be a perk.