The Bible tells us that what fills the heart comes out of the mouth. Yikes! I wish I could take back some of the things that have come out of my mouth. Words are like tooth paste squeezed out of the tube. Once those words are out, they cannot be shoved back in the tube. You can try to use a tooth pick, & ever so delicately refill the tube, but that doesn't work either. Trust me... I've tried!
Last night I had one of those regretful moments. I was having a conversation with a loved one, & spouted off at the mouth (as I call it). I went upstairs like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Now, all I could do was apologize. There was no taking back those hurtful words. Truth is... as I lay in bed mulling this over, I realized that I took liberties. I said things that may not even be the truth. I am no psychologist! Just because I thought them, doesn't make them the truth.
To my loved one... all I can say now is, I am sorry. Please forgive me & realize I was out of line. If I could delete those words from your head, I would. If I could have a do over, I would bridle my tongue. More importantly, after searching my heart, I won't even think those thoughts anymore because they are not valid. Because I now realize they have no worth, I won't be repeating them. I am sorry.
What makes this worse: you have been here for me through thick & thin. You have done things for me that you shouldn't have to do. You have listened to my heart over the last few months & cried my tears. Now... I have hurt you beyond words with my words. You even said, "Now I know how you really feel."
Here's how I really feel: I love you. I am in awe of what you do with your life. I could never do what you do. I don't have the mind, the courage, the strength, or the nerves. I see such a loving heart & a good example. Every day of your life has been a blessing in my life. You teach me to see things from a different side. You are willing to do whatever it takes to help me grow deeper. You make me laugh. I wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything. I love you.
Sweet Susie...I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions happening within you during this difficult journey. It is so normal for there to be times when you lash out at your loved ones, even the ones who have been there with you from moment one. It hurts, yes, but because they love you THAT unconditionally, there is forgiveness. Thank God for forgiveness. It has been an undeserved gift in my life so many times over the years. Oh, the blessing of forgiveness!!! I know these times are so hard but I pray you won't be too hard on yourself. May Jesus give you the peace to move forward and may your bond with this loved one heal and grow in amazing ways. Thank you for your transparency. It's inspiring to see you travel through this trial with God!
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