Whitney

Being the couch potato that I currently am, I watched Whitney Houston's whole funeral... about 4 hours, I think. If it hadn't been for my present state, I probably would never have sat glued to my TV that long for anything. That being said... I am so glad I did.

I saw Whitney perform  many years ago; I probably only had one child at the time. To be honest, I came away disappointed. She seemed like a such a DIVA that night, & frankly, that overshadowed her performance for me. Instead of taking away what a beautiful person she was or the great talent she possessed, all I could think of was how unattractive her diva like qualities made her.

Looking back now... so many years later, I see what I missed because I was judgemental. I looked up judgemental in the urban dictionary. Being judgemental is a way of making ones self feel better, by hurting others, usually based on close-mindedness. I couldn't agree more. As I processed the precious details of Whitney's funeral, I began to see what I missed...

We don't really know yet what caused Whitney's death. The autopsy will show, but for her loved ones, I'm not sure it matters... Whatever the cause, she was loved. Her loved ones know she suffered beyond words, but they can attest to the fact that with each ordeal, she went back to her Lord & Savior. She always packed her tattered Bible in her suitcase & apparently knew its words well. Her sister-in-law  said that with each struggle, Whitney said, "However the Lord fixes me, I will be satisfied." I want to live those words myself.

Not that long ago, I struggled with forgiving someone who had hurt me deeper than I knew possible. I didn't see this story ending the way it did, & my heart was shattered. It affected every fiber of my being, &  moving on was new territory for me. I wanted to forgive, but I couldn't forget. Every time the situation entered my mind, I felt physically ill. I said I'd forgiven, but I didn't trust myself. After all, the mere thoughts of the situation still made me wretch inside.

After a year of fighting my unforgiveness, I went to see my Pastor. I shared as much of "my mess" as I could, & I asked him how I could forgive. I knew  if I couldn't forgive, I would be held in bondage by this situation. I didn't want to live the rest of my life with bitterness in my heart. I wanted healing. The Pastor told me that we do not forgive on our own. Every time we are haunted, we go back to our Lord & Savior, & He will give us the grace to forgive. Wow! I was on the right track, but I was trying to do it on my own. I didn't know I needed a Savior (who died for my sins) to help me forgive. That was a profound moment for me.

So... as I look at Whitney's life now, I see a much deeper tormented side of her. I see a person who loved Jesus & needed Him with every fiber of her being. Every time she was haunted, she pulled out her tattered Bible & turned back to the Lord. My heart grieves for her.  None of us are any better than Whitney. We all need a Savior. Our struggles may not be the same, & they may not be on the front of every tabloid. However, our world is broken; our hurts are deep, & without Christ, I don't know how to breathe.