Saturday, March 31, 2012

Childish!

I have a confession... I have behaved & blogged childishly lately. I believe that we all have an inner child. I am not pleased with my lack of maturity; on the other hand, I think we all need to acknowledge our child within & occasionally address his/her ups & downs. Friday was an all around difficult day for many reasons. I think it began when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed...

I just did not feel emotionally strong on Friday. I awoke with a weepy frame of mind. I went to my second home (The Cancer Center) to get my marks remarked for radiation. A sweet radiation therapist was the recipient of my tears. Yes, I had a major breakdown. I had allowed the agony of waiting to hear about my radiation schedule to unnerve me.  With my unanswered questions & fear of the unknown, I let my worries get out of control.

As I headed to get my chemo damaged nails repaired (basically abnormally shortened & polished), I received a call from my daughter about her very sick little puppy. Her news literally tore a piece from my heart. The puppy was laid to rest, & 2 young parents experienced feelings nobody wants to feel. Time will heal their heartache, but right now, it is time to hurt.

There was little I could do to help my sweet daughter (with her heart of compassion) & her tender husband. Life had dealt them a sad blow, & somehow, I know they will grow stronger through this heartbreaking experience. As we walk through our trials, our character is developed. Our hearts are refined. So difficult that such character only seems to come through our crises.

As the day came to a close, I counted my blessings. Among them was a thankful heart for Eddie ("our adopted son"). His performance in his college play (on this awful day) was nothing short of amazing. The range of emotions he expressed is a testimony to his will to find a way. I sat in the audience in awe. My husband sat there with tears welling up in his eyes.

I crawled into bed & closed my eyes. My heart actually ached for my daughter & her horrible day. At the same time, I thanked God for a radiation therapist who expressed compassion for me & wiped away my tears. I thought about Eddie & his remarkable story. I thought about his many traits I admire. I thanked God for a husband who loves me in spite of myself. I prayed for my daughter & her kind husband & asked God to heal their broken hearts.

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