Friday, March 23, 2012

rescued from the pit

I believe God has rescued my sad spirit this week through the loving care of friends. My heart has been touched, & my spirit lifted. I have shared the truth, & God has brought me back to peace. I don't have any new answers. In fact, I've not heard from any doctors in a few days. I'm resting in Him, & feeling His tender arms wrapped around me.

My roller coaster began it's uphill climb on Monday when I became unnerved by a visit to my radiologist oncologist. I left his office with my original fears reopened. I spent the rest of that day crying. I didn't know how to interpret his words, the look in his eye, & the arrangements he was making on my behalf. I was grateful to have a caring doctor, but for some unexplained reason, my hope was diminished.

I spent Tuesday alone as I didn't feel up to being with friends & I had measurements to be taken at The Cancer Center. My sweet friend was understanding & forgiving. She said she'd pray for me. I was still shedding tears, & I knew I wouldn't be able to converse. My measurements took twice the expected time, & my uneasiness was amplified.

The next day, 3 beautiful women took me to lunch. They wanted to hear my story... I didn't want to monopolize the conversation with my cancer. It's hard to know how much to share. I'm an open book, but others have lives too.

That evening my long time friend came over to soothe me. She comforted me as I cried & expressed such sweet compassion. She listened to my confusion & assured me I had reason for my feelings. As she left, I began to heal.

Yesterday, a caring friend took me to lunch. Again, she listened & encouraged me. She was so easy to talk to, & I was so excited to be making a new friend. Her words were therapeutic, & my heart began to beat. We laughed, we talked, we shared so much.

Last night, we went to dinner with our News Year's Eve companions, even though New Year's Eve was months ago. We laughed & we talked. We discussed our deepest thoughts. Nothing was too much to say... We have that kind of relationship.

As I review the week, it's obvious to me that I have been rescued from a pit of despair. It's healing to know that even without answers, peace can reign once again in my heart. I believe that's what makes our God a living God, an active God, a compassionate God. Some would say my thoughts are odd. They would claim that I am seeing things that don't exist. They might even see Him as unloving because of the things He's allowed to happen in my life. My response:  Where does this peace come from which surpasses my understanding?


He doesn't promise me an easy earthly life. After all, our world is cursed, & I'm quite sure my journey with cancer is a result of Satan's impact on this earth.  He does promise not to forsake me, to keep his tender arms around me, & ride this roller coaster with me. People are suffering all over the world. Their suffering makes mine look like a mere bend in the tracks of my roller coaster ride. Yet, He took time to rescue me from my pit, & He didn't stop until I could say whatever my circumstances, my peace has returned. He ministered to my broken heart through medicine tailor-made for my condition.

2 comments:

  1. Dear Susie,

    You are a beautiful, strong woman with so much grace in the love of God. I admire you and my heart aches for your journey with cancer.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you...

    With Love from your Cousin Becky

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  2. Becky. Your comment brightened may day more than you will ever know. I've always thought you were very special. I love you, Susie

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