Hair...

This morning when I looked in the mirror I had to chuckle. Spring is in the air, & my hair is in full bloom. My hair has always been one of my defining features. For those of you who don't know me... my brown curly hair had a mind of its own.  I would attempt to style it each morning. By the time I reached the main floor of my home, it had completely rearranged itself. My children could always find me in a crowd. My husband loved to tease me about my Brillo Pad. I never wore it up, & I never wore a hat.

Obviously, things have changed. I still don't wear it up, but I have a few favorite hats. One of my biggest struggles with cancer has been the loss of my hair. I will always remember my oncologist  emphatically saying, "Shave it off, just shave it off!" So... a few weeks after my first treatment, I waited for my college daughter to come home, & she, her middle sister, & her close friend shaved my head. I was more concerned about the impact on my daughters than myself. Our hearts knew it didn't hold that much importance when put in perspective with my life.

Immediately, my husband & daughters relieved my fears. They told me I had a cute head. I was stunned. I was not expecting such a response. Each day when my husband came home from work, I would rest my bald head on his chest, & he would rub my head. I found this ritual very comforting. Even though my family loved my bald head, I always wore my wig. After my 4th treatment, I began to think that I should wear my my hat in public rather than my wig. I felt it was more authentic & part of embracing my journey. I don't know why, but wearing my hat to church for the first time was a big deal for me.

The most difficult part of losing my hair has been my physical comfort. I have had a terrible time regulating my body temperature. My head gets very cold, & then suddenly sickeningly hot. Head pieces make me fidgety. Anything slightly tight on my head hurts or gives me a headache. Sporting a new head covering always takes all of the courage I have. And, when I'm out in public, I just can't bring myself to expose my baldness. So... when I become overheated, I just wait it out miserably.

As I inspected my sprouting hair this morning, I had to wonder how it will return. It is not the same color, & it's straight. It no longer feels like a Brillo Pad. It's soft. It's only 1/2 inch long, so it might be too early to tell. I have to marvel at how much this whole hair ordeal mimics the cancer ordeal. Losing your hair prepares you for other changes just around the corner. People say, It's only temporary. I did not find those words comforting. In my case, it's coming back with a different twist (as is my future). I believe my hair has a future, but it's going to take some adaptation (as is my life). My perspective has changed. I don't see life the same, but that's a new blog waiting for another sleepless night.