stalked.

I remember the fear I felt daily as a little girl. I was in fifth grade, probably 10 years old. My cousin had moved up to Jr High, so now I walked alone. I was a crossing guard, so I went early. Always by myself. Each day, a scruffy looking man stalked me. He would wait for me in his 4 door black car. He would drive slowly by, staring at me. My heart would race. My eyes filled with tears. A lump grew in my throat. Then... I would be spared another day as he drove slowly away, the damage done. I was horrified, gripped by fear.

This daily routine went on for most of my fifth grade year. I don't know what my mother didn't understand about it. Did she think her nervous little girl was making this up? Every day, I was afraid to go to school. Every day, I came home with the same story. Every day, she listened & told me I would be okay. The insanity repeated...

Finally, one Spring day, it happened. He waited for me at the corner. As I approached, he turned slowly toward me & lowered his window. I began running for my life. Heart pounding. Lump in throat. Tears in eyes. Scared, so scared! He followed me. I turned around & ran the other way. I ran as fast as my thin little legs would carry me. I ran 3 more blocks to school. Finally, on safe ground. I did my job, my crossing guard duty. I never said a word to anyone. I held my secret inside of me. As the lunch bell rang, I headed home. I told my mom the awful news. I believed my running in 2 different directions had saved my life. To this day, I don't second guess that little fact.

That afternoon a police officer came to school. My mother had reached her boiling point. She gave in & called for help. At last, she believed me. Funny thing... I never saw that scruffy man again. I believe the police officers combing the neighborhood sacred my stalker off. He was never found nor seen again.

Living with daily fear can be crippling. Children all over the world wake up with fears more violent & vivd than mine. My heart breaks for them. I can only think back to my childhood days, when fear daily gripped my heart. Now as a mature adult, a different kind of fear is trying to take hold of my heart. This fear is much more subtle than my stalker, but just as real. Like that scruffy man, it comes & goes. I can be distracted & enjoy the little things in life. I can dream about the future, lying in the sand as a gentle breeze touches my face. I can see the blue waters & even feel the warmth on my skin.

Back then, at 10 years old, I took my fears to my Mama. In her human state, she didn't know what to do with them. She comforted me, but she didn't really do anything about the cause of them (until it was almost too late). Today, I go to my Savior. I cry on His shoulder. I give Him my fears. He comforts me. He assures me that He has me covered. He will get me through each moment of terror. If only, I could leave my fears with Him? If only, I could resist the urge to take them back & allow them to cripple me?