Mamas

Don't know what's with me today. I feel like my head is full of those cob webs used to decorate at Halloween.  I have 2 doctor appointments. I don't think they are weighing heavily on me, but sometimes my body tells me more than my brain. My subconscious tells the truth. I'm shaky & just not myself. Maybe I just have a lot on my mind, or maybe I ingested too much sugar yesterday.

I'm struggling with the fact that my 2 new friends have cancer stages that have less certainties than mine. They are such beautiful women & have young children. I just think that children have a right to grow up with a healthy mom. I don't think there is a stronger bond or more pure bond than a mother & her child. It breaks my heart that these women have to envision  their children growing up without them & even more...  their children have to see their lives without their precious mamas.

Mamas are supposed to make everything okay. When we are young, they kiss our boo boos & put a band aid on them just to make us feel better. When we have a rough day at school, & our best friend hurts our fragile feelings, mamas tell us we are okay. They make our favorite foods. They pray for us. Sometimes they even live their lives through us. As we enter our teen years, they are our safety net. Sometimes they bear the brunt of all that bothers us. We take our fears & frustrations out on them, treating them worse than anyone. Still... they love us.

I know that in God's all-knowingness, these children have a deep calling. I believe that God isn't going to give us or allow anything to happen to us that we can't handle. His grace is sufficient, & He will walk each painful step with these sweet children. My heart knows this. My heart believes this. Yet, I have trouble wrapping my head around these truths. My human side cannot seem to grasp them & hold on for dear life.

I guess this fighting/grieving that goes on in my brain brings me back to trust. I know that God cares more about these little children than I could begin to imagine. After all, He created them. He molded them in their mother's womb, & He knows every hair on their head. Furthermore, when He created them, He knew the path their lives would take. He knew they would be robbed of their security blanket at a young age, & He already knew He would not forsake them.