Sunday, May 27, 2012

I look forward...

I've watched so much TV today & sat on my couch so much, I think I will have bed sores to add to my collection of wounds. Not really, but I am in need of fresh air. As for the TV, I've pondered some interesting thoughts today. I watched an interview Oprah did with Carrie Underwood & her husband. He gave her The Purpose Driven Life when they began dating & they worked through it together. He said he loves that book.

I remember starting that book a few years back when it was first published. In truth, I was so busy at the time, I didn't have time to read it. I also didn't question my purpose at that time. I was a youth leader. I felt called to the position, & I loved it. God filled my head with ideas so fast I couldn't keep up with myself, let alone the kids. I didn't really have enough time or energy to ever feel caught up, but I always felt compelled to do whatever it took.

I can't help but marvel at where my life is today in comparison to just a few short years ago. Wow! Will I ever regain the strength, the energy, the drive I once had? I look at my friends now who are healthy, & I am amazed at the things they accomplish in a day. I look at pictures of myself & I wonder who that person is.  I can't believe the scars she bears & what she's been through. I can't believe she's a cancer patient. I can't believe this has happened to her. Sometimes her friends don't even recognize her.

Sometimes I don't know what to make of my situation. I see it wearing on my loved ones, & I'd love to go back in time & proceed without these chapters. However, that is not going to happen. I know I am rounding the bend, getting through treatments & surgery, & I just need some time to heal. However, I've had a few setbacks, & psychologically, I think it's hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. These setbacks have darkened my tunnel.

I stand in awe of people who live with a purpose, a purpose to love others. My purpose is still the same, just on a different kind of scale, & a different way of life. I have endured some strange things over the last 9 months. It's changed my view of who I am, not in my heart, & not in my purpose, but possibly in how I will live out my purpose in the months that follow. Right now, I am limited, but I know that won't last forever. I look forward to healing & rebuilding my strength. I look forward to loving others.

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