My. Pretty. Pink. Day.

If I didn't take time to blog about today, I would let myself down. As I think most of my world knows, today was The Race for The Cure. What an emotional day! I think my heart subconsciously numbed itself to enable me to get through it all. As I stood amongst so many survivors, I was deeply touched. Some looked healthy. Some cried. Some looked like cancer patients. We were all in pink, my favorite color.

I stood with a new friend that I met at Pray for The Cure. She saw me on the sidelines & invited me to join her in the Survivor's Walk. I wasn't teary this morning. In fact, I held together quite well & was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I felt uplifted by my team. I gave them each a wristband that says "No One Walks Alone. I wish that were true for everyone. 

The irony of this day is this: in the past, I walked This Race with a lump in my throat for all of The Survivors. Today, I did not have a lump in my throat. I just felt honored. When I saw my fellow survivors crying, I felt so sad for them. I wondered if their tears were just heartfelt emotion from such a meaningful day. Perhaps they were suffering emotionally or physically. It's possible they had received new bad news, or maybe even lost a loved one recently to this terrible disease. Maybe they learned their own days were numbered.

Having my loved ones come out for my cause is both humbling & touching. Some of my team members I've grown closer too since my journey began. Others, I've known for a life time. There were a few that were with me in spirit but unable to make today's Race. Most of my team mates asked me how I was doing. My answer is "better than I expected." That is the truth.

However, as the day begins to fade, so do I. My underarm is raw & getting worse. I am so tired I hurt. I've even had a few tears tonight. Strange how my emotions decided to creep up on me as the sun decided to set. Still... I am better than I expected. A friend stopped by with beautiful flowers this afternoon, just to say she was thinking about me.

She asked me if I was going to be okay. I think she was asking me about my prognosis. I think back to how many times I've wondered this about other people in my shoes. I wish I had the answer. I don't. Spiritually, I am in good health. Physically, I am getting through radiation. Emotionally, I am more stable than I've been since my diagnosis. I am at peace. But... when you hurt physically, it has a way of wearing you down emotionally. Being tired also contributes.

I can only speculate about today's tears, both those of my fellow survivors & my own. Here's my take: I think today's tears reflect a very tiring journey that takes immense emotional strength. It takes physical endurance. It involves being degraded. It requires Hope, yet surrendering is also necessary. It's a fight for a life, with no guarantee. It's a wearing journey that doesn't seem to go away, at least not yet. It's a journey I wanted to hide at first but soon realized that charade was impossible. Cancer gives you a platform. You lose your hair. Others care & know they themselves are not immune. It is my cross to bear, & I must bear it with dignity that comes only from Christ.