I haven't blogged for a few days because I've been sick. Yesterday, I spiked a fever over 103 & was down for the count. Cooling wet rags, pain relievers, & slushies. I just sat on my couch & faded in & out of my surroundings. My fever is down; it broke in the middle of the night. My throat is sore & doesn't look so good. I will see a doctor this afternoon. Need to rule out strep.
My underarm wound is continuing to deepen in color. It's not pretty & will take some time to heal. Nothing seems to help, no relief from gel packs, creams, or the like. Pain reliever is a necessity & lots of air. Tomorrow is my last radiation & for that I am grateful. I have learned so much from this segment of my journey. Good can come from the worst, & God will see you through each moment. I've spent a lot of time alone with Him on the radiation table, & I love Him more with each new wave of pain.
My baby daughter is leaving for South Africa in a little over a week. I have never felt closer to her, & I will miss her. However, I am at peace because I believe she is doing what God would have her do, & I am in awe of her. I will pray for her daily as she will be gone for 2 long months. I will anxiously await seeing her beautiful eyes when she returns & hearing of the impact of this amazing opportunity. I know she will fall deeply in love with the children she serves.
God has given me this sweet month with her. I believe He orchestrated the timing of her stay at home to provide for my needs during radiation. I feel bad she has to be sucked into my "mess", but I cannot help but be grateful for how she has cared for me during this very trying time. I remember when I became the mother to my mom. It was a strange feeling. It was when my dad was sick, & she needed help. She was a bit older than I am now.
Well... now the tables have turned, & my baby daughter has gracefully stepped in to "mother" me. She's been my chauffeur (as driving on pain medication is not a good idea). She's accompanied me to countless appointments, sat with me, & been my second pair of ears. Her advice is sound, better than my own. She has tenderly navigated making me feel whole again. Tears come to my eyes as this is such a vulnerable area (the loss of ones femininity & no longer feeling human). Last night she made an ice-cream run because that was the only thing that sounded good to me. She has watched movies with me (while I slept), & awakened me to take pain medication. She's also grocery shopped & cooked our meals. All this, she's done with a loving heart. I don't know what I expected, but I never knew how she would touch my heart.
Awwww...That is so very sweet. I've always wanted a daughter of my own and that is one of the reasons why. The bond between mother and daughter is unlike any other.
ReplyDeleteDear Susie,
ReplyDeleteWe do not know each other, but my family is friends with your brother Dan's family. My girls have grown up with your sweet nieces, Julia & Rachel, and we use to all attend Wesley Church together. A dear, sweet family, indeed. And, of course, with such a loving family, I've seen your pics and posts show up here and there on their facebook pages, hence my newsfeed.
And facebook is exactly what lead me here to your site after Laurie had liked the facebook link you shared to this blog post. With the title, "when the daughter becomes the mom", what's not to draw this mom in? You had me with each word, each heartbeat of love that resounded with each word poured out from a deep place of love; a love of God, a love of family, a love of a God-given life. How could I not respond?
This is the first post I've read, but I most definitely shall continue with your story. But know I shall do more than that. I shall stand on the front lines with your loved ones, help fill in the gap, and lift you up to our Lord & Saviour. Oh how sweet He is and how sweet you are to Him! Praying for wholeness in Jesus for you, dear Susie.
Continued blessings in the expected & unexpected places,
Amy =)
Thank you, Amy! That is so sweet! I am grateful for you prayers.
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