July...

I need to tell you that I am taking the month of July off. We are going to be visiting our families & doing other things. I think it's time to take a little break, & if God leads, I'll resume sometime in August. Thanks to all of you who have taken time to read my blog & to encourage me as I walk this journey...

Over the next month, I will be reliving some pretty traumatic memories that began on August 14th. I will also be making some terrific new memories with our families. I'd like to say that almost a year into this journey that it has gotten easier. Truth is, it hasn't.

We are in the midst of trying to regain some sense of normalcy, & it is hard because little reminders are ever-present. I am thankful for my team of doctors & nurses who have become a vital part of my life. My family has been my diversion, my comfort, & my joy. I have 2 wonderful son-in-laws that care for me as if I were their mother.

My friends are sticking with me, & I am grateful. Sometimes our entertainment is going to my appointments. In fact, they have turned my appointments into outings! I am blessed by each & every one of them. I really don't know what I would do without their beautiful faces in my life. They have laughed with me & cried with me. They've done all sorts of crazy things & brightened every day.

Some ridiculous things have happened this year. I never saw this journey being my journey until the night my husband kissed me good night, placed his hand on my heart, & said, "What's this?" That's how simple it was. The beginning of this journey. You'd think by now I would no longer be in shock.

As I've pointed out many times, this journey is full of unexpected twists, turns, bumps, & treasures. Even 10 months down the road, we are still learning new things about my diagnosis. We remain as befuddled as ever, but at least we are befuddled together. Clinging to each other is essential but sometimes difficult. It's easy to build a wall to protect the one you love. It never works.

In all honesty, my faith has stood the test. I had one hopeless day, & that was the day my daughter left for South Africa. I was sick, depressed, & reacting to going off my pain medicine. I did not feel like myself, & I certainly did not act like myself. I knew there had to be brighter days ahead. There are.

I try to not take life too seriously, to enjoy an ice-cream sundae now & then, & to spend time loving Otis & Bella, my 2 beloved pets. They also brighten each day. I purposely spend time with the ones I love because they are what get me through each day. Laughing at their silly jokes is the best medicine of all.

I try to fill my head & heart with thoughts & people who are nurturing. It's a daily battle not to dwell on my uncertainties. I've not yet learned not to think about cancer. I hope some day it will not occupy so many of my thoughts.  I really don't want it too.