my reality

Today began my education into the world of lymphedema. It's all precautionary but necessary as I am now at risk for developing it. I met for 2 hours with a physical therapist & got measured for a sleeve & a glove. Lymphedema is swelling that occurs when the lymphatic system is damaged. I am at risk for 3 reasons: positive node biopsy, lymph node dissection, & now radiation on my lymph nodes. I wouldn't mind at all if I was spared this condition; however, I might as well prepare myself & do all I can on my part to delay its onset.

My left arm aches a lot, especially after any slightly strenuous activity such as grocery shopping or unloading my dishwasher. I will wear the sleeve while doing such activities, & hopefully, it will decrease my aches & pains. I'm hoping it will allow me to be more active. I love being educated on any of these health matters. Once I understand, I feel so much better about everything. I spend so much of my time visiting health care providers. When this journey began, I had no idea the number of specialists it would take to meet my medical needs. I never imagined how my world would change & how my time would be consumed.

I found a pill organizer to help me organize my medicines. I usually do one day at a time, & I'm afraid of running late in the morning & messing up. It's gotten to be more than a simple task. I am part of a clinical trial so that has added to my daily dosage. I proudly asked my husband if he'd like to see my week's worth of pills. He kindly said no thanks; he found it depressing. It is overwhelming.

Radiation is so far less stressful than I expected. My friend told me to pray through the alphabet during my sessions. Doing so has helped everything. It takes my focus off the pain of being stretched & still for 25 minutes a day, & gives me something very satisfying to do. I almost find my self being disturbed when the techs come in to rearrange me. My skin appears to be slightly sunburned but very mild at this point (7 sessions out of 33 completed).

Emotionally, it's been a less traumatic week for me. No new curves came my way. The radiation makes me very tired at times but seems to come & go. Sometimes, usually while driving back & forth to appointments, my mind gravitates to this word: cancer. It is my reality. Sometimes I am so honored & humbled by the kindness of others toward my new cause. Other times, I'm still shocked that this is my life. It is a season (I think), but truthfully, I don't know. It's hard to imagine my life without cancer, and at the same time, I still can't believe I have cancer.