Recurrent theme...

Lately, I've been pondering the meaning of  being judgmental. It's a recurrent theme that keeps going through my mind. It's not a quality I aspire to own, but sad to say, I think we are all guilty because we are not even aware of our own views at times. Perhaps we were raised with certain mentalities, & we just think our own beliefs are universal. Maybe we roll our eyes so others can see, or maybe it's just that self righteous little thought that smolders in our heart. It might even be a prejudice we think we've hidden well, & then something triggers it, & it seeps out like steam in a boiling pot.

Sometimes, I find myself guilty, & abhor it. What is your prejudice? Is it against someone's moral character? Does it have to do with their looks? Perhaps it has to do with their financial state. Maybe it is their life stye, their addictions, or their sexual orientation. Even in today's world, could it have to do with their gender or their ethnicity? What about their education or lack of intelligence? Maybe they have a disability  or a mental illness.

Whatever causes you to look down on others, to put yourself just a notch above them on the totem pole of life, I ask you to consider laying it down. Realize, you haven't walked in their shoes, & your life & their's is not comparable. Also, we are all guilty. Not one of us is better than another. God is just as heartsick with my sin as He is with the man justifiably sitting on death row. It's the heart that counts, & God sees my heart even when I am blinded.

I've had a few incidences lately that have caused me to feel an inch high. Sometimes I felt this short stature because of how I was treated, & other times it was because of a thought that pierced my own heart, the realization that I was guilty, guilty of something I hate. I have also embarrassed myself regularly as of late (due to the fact that my short term memory is hampered terribly from chemo). It's both a struggle & an embarrassment. Having a sense of humor is essential to overcome my own apparent stupidity. It's humbling.

I am asking God to make me aware of this disgusting trait & help me wash myself clean of it (only through His grace). I don't want to ever think I am better than another, & in truth, it hurts when others put me down. I find it so disturbing that it dwells in my heart until I can process the whole situation & work through whatever just happened. I'm not capable (on my own) of ridding myself of the harm & chalking it up to the other person's shortcoming. If it's my loved one who is offended, it's easier for me to dismiss, but if it's me, I have trouble giving myself the same comfort I would bestow on another soul.