If I didn't take a moment to blog about yesterday's happenings, I think I would disappoint myself. Yes... I turned the Big Five 0! Wow, I can't believe I am 50! My Angel of Hope (whom I've written about before) told me that she looks at birthdays in a new way now that she is a Survivor. She thanks God because she gets to be another year older. One of my closest friends said to me twice yesterday that she is just so thankful I am here. She even said we almost lost me. In truth, I was told if I did nothing, I would have little time.
So... here I am, 50 & fighting. When I walked into Susan G. Komen the other day to register a few friends for The Race, the man asked me if I was a Survivor. I said, "I am a fighter." I don't know at what point you actually become a Survivor. I'm still undergoing treatment so I see my self as a fighter. I'm not sure I answered appropriately. I got the feeling I made no sense.
Yesterday began with my sweet friend bringing me the most delicious doughnut I've ever tasted. My dog thought so too. He jumped up on me & snatched it right off my plate. I must have been feeling pretty spunky because I grabbed it right out of his mouth & ate it. Oh my... my friend & I laughed so hard! It was the best dog gone doughnut I ever ate, & only 1/2 the calories!
My friend I blogged about on Monday, again accompanied me to radiation. When you have a friend with you, it truly takes the focus off why you are going & somewhat becomes a fun outing like going out for coffee. We are never at a loss for words! Traditionally, she takes me to Red Lobster on my actual birthday. We had so much fun, laughing & gabbing (like we always do). Of course, the cheddar biscuits were the best part.
When I got home, I finished getting ready for my lil head shaving party. My daughter's classmate from college was honoring me by having me shave his head for Saint Baldrick's, an organization that raises money to help kids fight cancer. I wish no kid ever had to fight cancer! The weather was just right. My family & friends gathered around on my back deck, as I shaved this young man's head for such a worthy cause.
As I began the task, I was a little nervous about the job I was doing. He was so relaxed & humble, he put me at ease immediately. With each stroke of the trimmer, I had flashbacks of the day my 2 daughters & one bestie shaved my head. I was scared, but the girls & my husband validated me with each stroke of the trimmer. They told me my head was cute & that I looked so pretty. I didn't feel pretty, but I felt relief that I didn't look as bad as I expected & that they thought I was pretty.
While shaving this young man's head, I was so humbled by his humility (a quality I deeply admire), & honored that he would do this for me. I was also uplifted beyond words by the presence of my loved ones, the text messages, posts, calls, private messages, cards, & flowers I received all day. My youngest daughter couldn't make the big event. I was just saying how I missed her, & my phone rang. She & her sweet friend sang Happy Birthday to me. She also gave me 2 birthday kisses over the phone yesterday. That made my day!
We had a champagne toast, & I received a beautiful pink glass & a colorful glass plate that says, "Celebrate." As the Big Five O came to a close, I was a "good" tired. I stayed up til after midnight messing with my pictures & uploading the video of the head shaving. I kept thinking about what each person in my life means to me. Of course, mere words could never do them justice.
So... I never dreamed of getting to be 50 under my current circumstances. My life isn't perfect. In fact, I think it has an ever-present sadness, or at least a knowing that never goes away. Yet, it has a joy so deep, so inexplicably sweet, unlike any I have ever known... I've truly never felt so honored in my life.
Dedicated to Ron Wong.
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